Recovery, Ego, and Letting Go of Control: Phil Valentine Returns (Part 1)

Recovery, Ego, and Letting Go of Control: Phil Valentine Returns (Part 1)

Curious about how others manage their sobriety journey while life keeps throwing curveballs? This conversation on Recovery Matters! brings former CCAR executive director Phil Valentine back to the table, this time as the guest, with Stacey Sharpen-Tier asking the questions. Phil talks frankly about stepping away from CCAR after 25 years, just as he was recovering from aggressive Non-Hodgkin’s B-cell lymphoma.

He shares how time on a kayak in Narragansett Bay, "catching very little fish," and walking golf courses helped him heal his "mind, body, and soul" after years of carrying what he calls the CCAR backpack. A big thread through the episode is ego and its danger in recovery and leadership.

Phil repeats a line that stayed with him from AA: "Ego is the number one downfall of people in recovery… edging God out." He explains how thoughts like "I wonder if one drink would be okay" creep in when he starts thinking of himself first. His story about hammering the hospital morphine drip is a stark reminder that, as he puts it, the "sleeping tiger" of addiction never really disappears.

Stacey and Phil also talk about what real leadership in recovery spaces can look like: authenticity, humility, and giving others room to grow.

Phil is clear that CCAR’s strength lies in its foundation and team, not in one person: "If I had built something that fell apart when I stepped away, then I hadn’t really built much of anything." From Crocs and Hawaiian shirts to honest conversations about emotional intelligence and the weight of a leader’s words, the tone stays warm, human, and often gently funny.

If you’re wrestling with letting go, burnout, or identity after long-term service in recovery, this chat might get you asking: where does your ego end and your purpose begin?