Crossing Lines: Where Help Ends and Enabling Begins

Crossing Lines: Where Help Ends and Enabling Begins

What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol and unhealthy patterns of control? In this straight-talking episode of **Recovery Recharged**, Ellen Stewart, the self-described "pushy broad from the Bronx", tackles the tricky question of where honest help ends and enabling begins. Across a fast-paced 30 minutes, Ellen answers live questions from callers like Emma, John, Lucy and Mark about codependence, boundaries and supporting loved ones in addiction.

You’ll hear her explain that codependence is present "when you feel that your day depends upon the actions and emotions and feelings of others," and that enabling is "doing things for another person" instead of supporting them to act for themselves. The episode leans heavily on practical, real-world scenarios: a dad with a gambling problem, a friend sending drug-use photos, partners stuck in mutual enabling, and adult children dealing with patterns learned in childhood.

Ellen keeps it grounded and clear, stressing that "there should be no secrets in families" and that consequences must be allowed to unfold rather than constantly being cleaned up. For anyone in recovery – or supporting someone who is – this conversation focuses on the emotional toll of trying to "fix" others, and the relief that comes from drawing firm lines.

Ellen returns again and again to self-worth and self-care, reminding callers that "you have to put your oxygen mask on first before you can put it on someone else." Tools like journalling, mindfulness ("wherever your feet are, that's where your brain has to be") and therapy are suggested as ways to build independence and step out of relationship addiction.

If you’ve ever worried that saying no makes you a bad partner, parent or friend, this episode might help you rethink what genuine support looks like. Ready to ask yourself whether you’re caring or caretaking?