Saving Children from Addiction - Mike SpeakmanSaving Children from Addiction - Mike Speakman
I Love Being Sober
Tim Westbrook talks with counsellor and PAL founder Mike Speakman about how parents can shift from hopelessness to practical hope while supporting an addicted child. The conversation contrasts counselling and coaching, highlights enabling and adolescence, and shares tools like contracts, boundaries and meetings to help families change long-standing patterns.
1:06:56•12 May 2020
Saving Children from Addiction: How Parents Can Regain Hope with Mike Speakman
Episode Overview
- Hopelessness in parents can be a warning sign to seek education and support, not a place to stay stuck.
- Treating an addicted adult child like a teenager often fuels rebellion and continued substance use.
- Counselling focuses on emotions and past issues, while coaching pushes practical forward movement with goals and plans.
- Written agreements where the addicted person sets their own goals and consequences can improve follow-through and adult responsibility.
- Parents benefit from building their own recovery team through meetings, counselling, coaching and peer support rather than trying to manage alone.
“Where there is God, there's hope. And it's not bad to feel hopeless. It's just bad to stay there.”
What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol? This episode shines a light on parents who are desperate to help a son or daughter caught in addiction, and the unique kind of hopelessness that can follow years of relapse. Host Tim Westbrook sits down with licensed substance abuse counsellor and family education life coach Mike Speakman, founder of PAL (Parents of Addicted Loved-ones) and author of *The Four Seasons of Recovery for Parents of Alcoholics and Addicts*.
Mike talks candidly about his own recovery dating back to 1978 and decades of work with families, using that experience to explain why so many parents feel stuck, even when they’re doing their best.
You’ll hear Mike unpack what he calls the "structure of hopelessness": parents trying to change their children while refusing to change themselves, leading to a stalemate where "neither one of us is changing." He explains how addiction often freezes emotional growth in adolescence, while parents keep treating a 30- or 40-year-old like they’re still 15 — unintentionally feeding rebellion and, in turn, the addiction. A big part of the conversation focuses on the difference between counselling and coaching.
Counselling, Mike says, focuses mainly on emotions and past trauma, while coaching is about "moving forward" with practical plans, boundaries and target dates. He shares how PAL uses a simple educational model with repeated topics and peer support so parents can slowly change long-standing habits, rather than being told to "just stop enabling" overnight.
One standout tool is a written contract where the addicted adult designs their own recovery plan and consequences for using, giving them a chance to "negotiate as an adult" instead of being treated like a child. Throughout, Mike returns to one steady message: "Where there is God, there's hope. And it's not bad to feel hopeless.
It's just bad to stay there." If you’re a parent worn out by relapse and confusion, could shifting the focus from fixing your child to changing your own approach be the next step?
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