11: After The Storm: Where Healing Begins presented by Brian D. Smith - Episode 1111: After The Storm: Where Healing Begins presented by Brian D. Smith - Episode 11
UK Health Radio Podcast
Brian D. Smith challenges the myth of the five stages of grief and shares research, stories and practical ideas that frame grief as a personal, non-linear process. The conversation emphasises resilience, continuing bonds and accepting your own unique path through loss and healing.
46:27•11 Sept 2026
Throwing Out the Grief Rulebook: Brian D. Smith on Healing Your Own Way
Episode Overview
- The five stages of grief were based on people facing their own death and were never designed as a universal roadmap for mourners.
- Grief is non-linear and often includes mixed emotions such as sadness, anger, relief and genuine laughter, all of which are valid.
- Healthy grieving involves moving between feeling the loss and rebuilding everyday life, rather than staying stuck in either mode.
- Sudden temporary upsurges of grief (STUGs) are normal and reflect ongoing love and connection, not a setback or failure.
- There is no fixed timeline for grief; your pace, your emotions and your way of staying connected to the person are all legitimate.
“Grieving is not work that you have to be successful at. You're not being graded. There's no pass or fail.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This conversation on UK Health Radio focuses less on alcohol itself and more on grief, showing how emotional recovery and living alcohol-free often share the same messy, human territory. Brian D. Smith, a certified grief guide and founder of Grief 2 Growth, talks candidly about losing his 15-year-old daughter, Shana, while challenging one of the most famous ideas about grief: the five stages.
He explains that Elisabeth Kübler-Ross studied people facing their own deaths, not people mourning someone else, and that her work was never meant to become a rigid checklist. As Brian puts it, many people cling to “a wrong map” because it feels safer than having no map at all. You’ll hear about research from psychologist George Bonanno, who found humans are often more resilient than they think and don’t move through grief in neat steps.
Real stories show how laughter, relief and even joy can sit right beside pain, and how feeling any of these doesn’t mean someone is grieving “wrong”. Brian also introduces the dual process model of grief, describing how healthy grieving swings between feeling the loss and rebuilding daily life.
He talks about sudden temporary upsurges of grief (STUGs), those intense waves that hit years later in a supermarket aisle or at an anniversary, and frames them as signs of ongoing love rather than failure. Along the way, he addresses disenfranchised grief, the fear that easing pain means losing connection, and the internal "parts" of ourselves that try to protect us. His message stays simple: there are no bad emotions, no universal timeline, and no grade at the end.
If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re “doing grief” or “doing recovery” the right way, this episode might be the gentle permission slip you’ve been waiting for. How might your healing change if you stopped judging your progress and started trusting your own pace instead?
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