13: After The Storm: Where Healing Begins presented by Brian D. Smith - Episode 1313: After The Storm: Where Healing Begins presented by Brian D. Smith - Episode 13
UK Health Radio Podcast
Brian D. Smith explains the dual process model of grief, showing how moving between deep pain and everyday life can be a healthy pattern rather than a problem. He offers real-life examples, cultural references and practical questions to help people see oscillation as part of genuine healing.
46:37•25 Sept 2026
After The Storm: Why Healthy Grief Goes Back and Forth
Episode Overview
- Grief cannot be treated like a project; overworking it leaves people exhausted and stuck rather than healed.
- The dual process model describes two grief currents—loss orientation and restoration orientation—and healthy grieving moves between both.
- Restoration includes both small recharges (walks, laughter, simple pleasures) and hard practical tasks like finances, parenting and housework after loss.
- Oscillation between sorrow and everyday functioning is normal; staying only in pain or only in busyness for long periods may signal a need for support.
- Simple daily questions about which ‘orientation’ you are in can help you notice whether your grief is moving or frozen, without judging yourself.
“You are not a bottomless well. You’re a rechargeable battery.”
How do people find hope in the darkest times? This episode of After The Storm, hosted by grief guide and life coach Brian D. Smith, looks at exactly that question through the lens of real, everyday grief. Brian speaks directly to high achievers who treat grief like a project plan.
He shares about clients who devour books, sign up for retreats and chase the next tool, only to find, as he puts it, that “grief doesn’t respond to that.” Instead, he introduces the dual process model of grief – a research-backed way of understanding why you swing between deep sorrow and ordinary life, and why that swing isn’t a problem to fix.
You’ll hear Brian break grief into two “currents”: loss orientation (crying, yearning, those sudden waves that knock you off your feet) and restoration orientation (getting the bills paid, raising kids alone, going for a walk, even watching something silly). The key is oscillation – moving between the two. “You are not a bottomless well. You’re a rechargeable battery,” he says, making a strong case that rest, pleasure and simple routines aren’t betrayals of your love; they’re what keep you going.
He also calls out common traps: overworking grief like a job, hiding in busyness, and spiritual bypassing with quick clichés instead of honest pain. Children’s stop–start grieving, the guilt of laughing again, and cultural rituals like shiva and Irish wakes all get woven in to show that this back‑and‑forth has always been part of healthy mourning.
Brian finishes with practical questions you can use to check where you are today – in the “missing” or the “doing” – and whether you’ve stayed there too long without a break. It’s a gentle, research‑based reminder that both currents belong, and that movement between them is where healing quietly starts. Could giving yourself permission to move between sorrow and restoration be the next kind step you offer yourself?
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