173 Self Awareness & Discovery173 Self Awareness & Discovery
You're Sober! Now What?
Tamar Medford reflects on how self-awareness, mindset shifts, and purpose-finding shape her long-term sobriety. She shares personal experiences with complacency, codependency, and emotional awareness while offering practical reflections for people in recovery.
21:22•20 Jan 2022
Self-Awareness, Brain Change and the Messy Magic of Long-Term Sobriety
Episode Overview
- Admitting there is a problem with alcohol, drugs, and mind-altering substances is the first step toward meaningful change.
- Long-term sobriety can slip when basic practices like meetings, prayer, meditation, and routines are dropped.
- Asking ikigai-style questions about what you love, what you’re good at, what the world needs, and your calling can help clarify purpose in recovery.
- Recognising codependent patterns and the urge to control others supports emotional stability and reduces unmanageability.
- Dropping good/bad labels on emotions and experiences, and instead viewing them as information or simply "new", can make growth less intimidating.
“We get comfortable sitting in discomfort, and sometimes it has to get incredibly uncomfortable and unmanageable for us to want to make some positive changes.”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This episode of "You're Sober! Now What?" follows Tamar Medford as she talks through the messy, honest work of self-awareness in long-term recovery.
Tamar shares how her awakening started with a blunt admission: “I do have a problem with alcohol, drugs, and any mind-altering substance.” She reflects on years of weekend house parties, vodka at the movies, and using booze for both sorrow and fun, and how that “norm” had to be questioned before anything could change. The focus here is on what happens after the drinking stops.
Tamar explains how complacency crept in around year five or six when she “thought I had this thing beat” and scaled back on basics like meetings, morning routines, and prayer and meditation. As her mood dipped and anxiety rose, she realised recovery needs daily maintenance, not just a one-time overhaul. You’ll hear her talk about purpose through the Japanese concept of ikigai – asking, “What do you love? What are you good at? What does the world need more of?
And what is your calling?” – and how those questions pushed her towards coaching and helping others in recovery. Tamar also opens up about codependency, joking she once felt like the “general manager of the universe,” and how working the 12 steps of codependency helped her see she’s “powerless over the behaviours of others.” She links this to emotional awareness, pausing before reacting, and finding her voice instead of avoiding conflict.
A standout thread is her shift away from labelling feelings and experiences as good or bad. Guided by an intuitive healer, she now tries to call uncomfortable moments “new” rather than “icky”, reminding herself, “Being angry… is not a bad emotion. It just is.” If you’re sober and wondering what’s next, this episode may nudge you to ask: what story are you still telling yourself, and are you ready to change it?
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