214 - The Sex-Positive Ageing Woman with Dr. Julie Merriman214 - The Sex-Positive Ageing Woman with Dr. Julie Merriman
Ruthless Compassion with Dr. Marcia Sirota
Dr. Marcia Sirota talks with Dr. Julie Merriman about how burnout, stress and ageing affect desire in women over 50 and how nervous system healing can revive intimacy. The discussion blends personal stories, clinical experience and practical tools for turning midlife into a "homecoming" to the body and to pleasure.
44:14•23 Jul 2026
Sex, Burnout and Coming Home to Your Body After 50
Episode Overview
- Chronic stress and burnout can push the nervous system into survival mode, shutting down desire and pleasure.
- Many women over 50 haven’t lost libido; it is buried under years of overwork, disconnection and self-blame.
- Gentle somatic practices like body scans, hip-opening poses and walking meditations help the body feel safe again.
- Honest conversations, clear boundaries and feeling heard and seen are crucial foundations for satisfying intimacy.
- Ageing and illness change bodies, but they can open a chance to relearn pleasure and create a new, more authentic sexual chapter.
“It’s your homecoming. It is your time to excavate who we are because we’re not the lady we were at 20 after 50. Excavate her, have a homecoming and live your best life.”
What drives someone to seek a life with more pleasure, connection and zero shame after 50? This conversation between Dr. Marcia Sirota and Dr. Julie Merriman looks straight at sex, ageing and burnout with humour and honesty. Dr. Julie Merriman, a clinician and counsellor educator with around 30 years of experience, talks about her new book, *Are We Going to Have Sex or What? The Midlife Guide to Reigniting Desire, Reclaiming Your Body and Feeling Fully Alive*.
She shares how watching her interns burn out, plus her own history of a chaotic early marriage and intense overwork, led her to see a tight link between nervous system overload and lost sexual desire.
As she puts it, burnout and lost desire are "two sides of the same coin." You’ll hear Julie explain why so many women over 50 feel like sex is just "one more thing on the to-do list" and how living in a constant stress state teaches the body that pleasure isn’t safe. She describes functional freeze, braced pelvic floors, and the way the brain simply "takes pleasure offline" when it thinks you’re in survival mode.
The episode also digs into practical steps: full body scans, softening rather than more kegels, gentle yoga poses, walking meditations, and pleasure mapping with a partner, all done with kindness instead of self-judgement. Julie and Marcia talk about boundaries, resentment as "sacred" information, and the importance of feeling heard and seen as a powerful aphrodisiac.
Julie’s own journey through breast cancer, her husband’s brain surgeries, and their shift to a more patient, playful sex life in their sixties shows that intimacy can deepen even when bodies change. Her message to women over 50 is clear: "It’s your homecoming… have a homecoming and live your best life." If you’ve ever thought your sex life was over, could this be the chapter where it finally feels like yours?
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