468- Spencer T - Al-Anon Part 1: God Shaped Hole468- Spencer T - Al-Anon Part 1: God Shaped Hole
Sober Speak- Alcoholics Anonymous Recovery Interviews
Spencer T talks with John M about fear, trust, and a "God-shaped hole" he once tried to fill with other people, drawing on 24 years in Al‑Anon. The conversation also touches on his podcast The Recovery Show and how ongoing inventory keeps revealing new lessons in recovery.
36:52•2 Oct 2026
God-Shaped Hole: Spencer T on Fear, Trust and Al‑Anon Recovery
Episode Overview
- Fear in recovery can be split into practical, action-driving fear and expectation-based fear that feeds anxiety.
- Trusting a higher power with outcomes can reduce stress and bring serenity, even during events like car accidents or major life changes.
- It is possible to share the exact nature of wrongs without exposing others’ identities or private details, especially in group settings.
- Trying to fill an inner emotional hole with other people can cause harm and points to a need for deeper spiritual and self-connection.
- Long-term recovery continues to reveal new patterns and lessons, even after decades in Al‑Anon.
“The exact nature of one of my wrongs is that I have this hole in me that I try to fill with you. And I have done this with many people throughout my life.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This chat with long-time Al‑Anon member Spencer T offers a frank look at emotional dependence, fear, and trust in a higher power, all framed through 24 years of recovery. The episode follows Spencer, from Ann Arbor, Michigan, as he sits down with host John M in "studio AA" in Texas.
Spencer shares that he marks a "surrender date" rather than a sobriety date – 10 April 2002 – and reflects on how, even after decades in Al‑Anon, "I'm still learning new stuff about myself." That ongoing learning is at the heart of this conversation. You’ll hear Spencer break fear into two types: the immediate, practical kind (like swerving to avoid a deer) and the crippling, expectation-driven kind that recovery literature talks about.
The emotional core of the episode is Spencer’s candid admission about a "God-shaped hole" inside him: "The exact nature of one of my wrongs is that I have this hole in me that I try to fill with you." He describes how trying to fill that inner emptiness with other people led to harm, including a friend in programme who eventually told him, "I don't feel safe with you." That painful experience prompted deep inventory work and a clearer sense that the hole needs connection with a higher power, and perhaps a healthier relationship with himself – not another person.
He explains how trusting his higher power has shifted his response to life’s surprises, like his wife's recent car accident, from panic to calm problem-solving. John and Spencer also talk about The Recovery Show, Spencer’s Al‑Anon‑centred podcast, its origins, tech challenges, and why he focuses on the 12 steps and related fellowships.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re trying to fill an inner gap with other people, this episode may hit close to home and offer a different way of looking at that search. What might your own "God-shaped hole" be asking for today?
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