72: Feng Shui Your Way with Janine Lowe - Episode 7272: Feng Shui Your Way with Janine Lowe - Episode 72
UK Health Radio Podcast
Host Janine Lowe talks with psychologist and author Alba Cardalda about why many people struggle to say no, how guilt and manipulation keep them stuck, and simple scripts for setting healthier boundaries. The conversation links strong relationships and clear communication with better mental health and a happier life.
36:47•28 Sept 2026
Saying No Without Guilt: Alba Cardalda on Boundaries, Guilt and Healthier Relationships
Episode Overview
- Saying no is not rejection; it is an honest statement of what a person can or wants to do, and does not make them selfish or uncaring.
- Long-held beliefs from childhood, especially about being "good" by pleasing others, often lead to adult patterns of people-pleasing and low self-esteem.
- Emotional manipulation frequently shows up as guilt-tripping, role reversal into victimhood, and subtle comments that leave others feeling guilty or insecure.
- A practical formula for saying no is: thank the person, say no clearly, and add something kind or an alternative, all in a calm and respectful tone.
- Body language and tone carry most of the message in difficult conversations, so calm posture, steady eye contact and a relaxed voice support assertive but kind boundaries.
“You don't have to choose between taking care of yourself and taking care of other people. You can do both.”
What drives someone to seek a life where "no" is a complete sentence? This chat on UK Health Radio’s "Feng Shui Your Way" brings together host Janine Lowe and clinical psychologist and bestselling author Alba Cardalda to talk about boundaries, guilt, and why so many people feel responsible for everyone but themselves.
Alba explains that her book, *How to Tell People to F++k Off Politely*, grew out of years of therapy work with clients who “struggle to set healthy boundaries or express what they really need”.
The title might sound fiery, but she’s clear: “the real message is about learning how to communicate before things get so bad that you feel like telling someone f dash dash.” You’ll hear why saying no is often linked to childhood messages about being “selfish”, and how this plays into low self-esteem, people-pleasing and burnout – patterns Janine openly recognises in herself.
Alba shares how many of her clients, especially women over 30, end up exhausted, anxious or suddenly exploding because they’ve spent years putting everyone else first. There’s plenty of practical advice too. Alba breaks down her simple “thank you + no + something kind” formula, which helps people say no without lying, over-explaining or feeling like a monster.
She also talks through red flags for emotional manipulation, including guilt-tripping lines like “after everything I do for you”, and why your body language and tone can carry 60–80% of your message. For anyone in recovery, or anyone trying to protect their peace, this conversation offers concrete language, relatable stories and a gentle reminder that boundaries aren’t cruelty – they’re honesty. As Alba puts it, you don’t have to pick a side: you can care for others and yourself.
So, where in your life could a simple, kind-hearted “no” change everything?
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