Abuse Is What Happened to You. Trauma Is What Lingers. With Chuck DeGroatAbuse Is What Happened to You. Trauma Is What Lingers. With Chuck DeGroat
Flip Your Lid with Kim Honeycutt
Kim Honeycutt and Dr Chuck DeGroat talk about the difference between abuse and trauma, the realities of narcissistic abuse in courts and churches, and the slow, embodied work of healing. Their conversation focuses on grounding practices, radical interiority and long-term character change for those living with deep emotional and spiritual wounds.
56:10•22 Oct 2026
Abuse, Trauma and Narcissistic Systems with Chuck DeGroat
Episode Overview
- Abuse describes what happened; trauma describes what still lives in the body, and the same abuse can show up very differently from person to person.
- Survivors of narcissistic abuse may appear unstable or erratic in court while the abuser looks calm and charming, leading to dangerous mislabelling of trauma responses as mental illness.
- Body-based practices such as breathwork, somatic awareness and parts work can slowly help people reconnect with their bodies and cultivate an anchored inner Self.
- Real character change for those high on the narcissistic spectrum, if it happens at all, takes years or even decades and cannot be achieved through quick retreats or short therapy bursts.
- Therapists and spiritual leaders need to honour their own limits and grounding practices, while also recognising the secondary trauma of holding repeated stories of abuse and systemic injustice.
“Abuse is what happened to you, but trauma is what lingers in you.”
What are the common struggles and victories in addiction recovery? This conversation between therapist-host Kim Honeycutt and writer, professor and therapist Dr Chuck DeGroat leans straight into that question, especially for anyone carrying abuse, trauma and spiritual hurt.
Right from the start, Chuck offers a simple but powerful frame: “Abuse is what happened to you, but trauma is what lingers in you.” From there, the two talk about how the same abusive experience can land very differently in different bodies, and why it’s so important to understand your own unique trauma responses – whether that looks like freezing, fighting, withdrawing or appearing “unstable” in court.
The episode speaks directly to survivors of narcissistic abuse, especially women stuck in exhausting family court battles and single parenting under financial strain. Kim names the brutal reality that a traumatised mum in court can look “radical” or “destabilised”, while the abusive ex appears calm and charming, and how that misreading can be weaponised against her.
Chuck brings a gentle, clinically grounded Christian lens, weaving in Internal Family Systems, body-based practices, and what he calls “radical interiority” – learning to trust an inner, anchored Self and, for some, a deeper experience of God. He shares how practices like breathwork, short “retreats” into body awareness, and slow character work can, over years, help people feel safe in their own skin again.
You’ll also hear hard truths about the church, Christian nationalism and systems that protect narcissistic leaders, alongside very real stories of clients who, over a decade, move from “10 minutes at a time” survival to grounded, meaningful lives.
If you’ve ever wondered whether your reactions mean you’re “crazy” or whether your body can be trusted again, this conversation might help you feel a little less alone and a little more curious about what’s lingering in you – and what healing could look like, slowly, over time.
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