Addiction: Habit or Disease? (Episode 6 - Archive)Addiction: Habit or Disease? (Episode 6 - Archive)
Relational Recovery
Matthew shares a candid story of reaching his limit in addiction, entering The Refuge Ministry, and gradually rebuilding his faith, self‑worth, and relationships. The conversation focuses on how simple yet demanding spiritual practices and community support contribute to peace and hope in recovery.
11:19•9 Aug 2026
From Self-Hatred to Hope: Matthew’s Raw Journey Through Faith and Recovery
Episode Overview
- Reaching a point of self‑disgust can become a powerful motivation to seek help for addiction.
- Entering recovery without overthinking the details helped Matthew commit when he felt out of options.
- Honest, even angry prayer became the first step toward a real relationship with God.
- Choosing to live out existing beliefs, rather than disown them, marked a turning point in his sobriety.
- Prioritising time with God and authentic community is described as a simple, though challenging, path to peace and joy.
“"You love God and spend time with him and you love your neighbour and you spend time with them... then you will have a life full of peace, contentment, joy."”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This conversation on Relational Recovery follows Matthew as he talks frankly about reaching his breaking point and choosing to enter The Refuge Ministry after years of addiction, self‑hatred, and spiritual conflict.
You'll hear how Matthew went from getting ready "in the dark" so he didn’t have to see himself in the mirror, to phoning his sister and saying, "I can't do this anymore." With hosts Wes Thompson and Austin Hill listening on, he recalls agreeing to enter the programme without asking a single question, because deep down he knew he was out of options. The episode leans heavily into the blend of Christian spirituality and psychology that shapes the ministry.
Matthew describes arriving at the farm, withdrawing from drugs, and sitting through a praise and worship night he fully expected to hate. Instead of a neat conversion moment, he shares a raw, angry prayer where he blames God for his pain, then slowly starts asking, "Why am I here?" and demanding a clear sign. A key turning point comes later that night as he wrestles with whether to disown his belief in God or finally live it.
He says the first honest prayer of his life: asking for help to love God above all things and become a Christian man. From there, small changes build into something bigger – learning to like himself again, finding confidence, and forming deep friendships within the Refuge community.
For anyone stuck in shame or feeling "not worthy of God", Matthew’s story offers a stark but hopeful message: "You love God and spend time with him and you love your neighbour and you spend time with them... then you will have a life full of peace, contentment, joy." If you’re wondering whether real change is possible, this honest account might be the nudge you need.
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