Are You an Expert at Conversations That Only Happen in Your Head?

Are You an Expert at Conversations That Only Happen in Your Head?

Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This episode of Addiction Unlimited zooms in on a habit many people in recovery will recognise instantly: those epic, imaginary conversations that happen entirely in your head. Host and coach Angela Pugh talks about “personalisation” – the mental habit of making everything about yourself, especially when you don’t have all the facts.

From unanswered texts to quiet partners, she shows how quickly the brain jumps from a simple fact (“they haven’t called me back”) to a full-blown story (“they don’t like me anymore”), and how that story then drives anxiety, defensiveness, and people-pleasing. With her trademark no-nonsense style and plenty of humour, Angela shares real-life examples from dating, friendships, and everyday interactions.

She explains cognitive distortions in plain language, calling them “thinking errors”, and ties them directly to recovery: sobriety removes the alcohol, but recovery means learning new ways to handle uncomfortable feelings without reaching for something outside yourself. A big highlight is her “hula hoop” analogy: you picture yourself standing inside a hula hoop, and everything inside it is yours to manage – your thoughts, choices, and reactions. Everything outside? Other people’s moods, responses, and opinions.

As she says, “What fits inside your hula hoop?” becomes a practical question to bring the focus back to yourself. Angela also introduces the idea of experiential avoidance – that urge to escape internal discomfort – and links it to alcohol use, overeating, scrolling, and control.

Instead of chasing certainty or reassurance, she encourages learning to self-soothe and tolerate not knowing, reminding listeners that “nobody has ever died from being uncomfortable.” If you catch yourself rewriting entire scenes in your head and then reacting as if they’re real, this episode offers concrete tools, a few laughs, and a clear challenge: separate fact from story and keep your attention where your power actually is. Ready to stay inside your own hula hoop?