Bobby R. Age 68 Sober since: 10/26/00Bobby R. Age 68 Sober since: 10/26/00
Keep Coming Back: Real Stories of Sobriety & Recovery
"I looked in the mirror....I looked into my eyes....and I saw nothing. I'd lost self control, a sense of self, and I didn't want to live that way anymore."
58:22•21 Feb 2020
“I Looked in the Mirror and Saw Nothing”: Bobby R. on Losing Self and Finding Sobriety
Episode Overview
- A “bottom” doesn’t have to be a dramatic event; for Bobby it was simply looking in the mirror and seeing “nothing” in his own eyes.
- Asking for help, even silently, became the first real shift after decades of believing he had to do everything through willpower alone.
- Stopping the substance changed much of the behaviour: stealing, lying and hurting others began to fall away once he was clean and sober.
- Bobby sees the second step as crucial, viewing a higher power as raw energy and focusing on learning how to use that energy rather than defining a specific deity.
- He cautions against rigid dogma in 12‑step rooms and values simple, honest sharing and “language of the heart” over heavy preaching about literature and rules.
“I looked in my own eyes and I saw nothing. I had lost myself. Not only did I lose self‑control, I lost self.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This conversation with 68‑year‑old Bobby R., sober since October 2000, speaks directly to anyone who’s ever stared into a mirror and wondered where they went.
Bobby puts it bluntly: “I looked in my own eyes and I saw nothing… not only did I lose self‑control, I lost self.” Hosted by Mike S., the chat starts with raw stories from Bobby’s early years in 1960s Manhattan: dealing heroin as a teenager, overdosing in his mum’s tiny bathroom, and stealing from the very people he loved most.
He talks about learning to “stuff conscience and circumstances” to survive as a “successful drug addict,” and how arrests, burns, and near‑death moments still weren’t enough to stop him. Instead, his turning point was quiet and internal: a simple, desperate “help” thrown into the universe after decades on methadone, pills, and heroin.
From there, you’ll hear how he grudgingly entered outpatient treatment, ditched his last “innocent” crutches of alcohol and weed, and slowly fell in love with the freedom of not chasing drugs all day. The episode also digs into 12‑step life in a very down‑to‑earth way.
Bobby shares why he thinks the second step is the real key, why he sees his higher power as energy rather than a person, and why he believes the programme works because “the therapeutic value of one addict or one alcoholic helping another” is unlike anything else. He doesn’t shy away from challenging dogma either, arguing for “language of the heart” over rigid rule‑quoting.
If you’ve ever thought your bottom had to be some huge catastrophe, or you’re struggling with the spiritual side of recovery, this chat might make you look at both the mirror and the steps a little differently. What would it mean for you to give up the idea that alcohol or drugs are any form of relief?
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