Codependency Is Broken. Now What? Ross on "Divorce Like a Boss" Podcast"Codependency Is Broken. Now What? Ross on "Divorce Like a Boss" Podcast"
The Self-Love Recovery Podcast
Psychotherapist Ross Rosenberg explains why he replaces the term codependency with Self-Love Deficit Disorder and outlines his model linking childhood trauma, core shame and toxic relationships. He also describes his staged Self-Love Recovery Treatment Programme aimed at achieving lasting self-love and healthier relationship choices.
40:05•16 Sept 2026
From Codependency to Self-Love: Ross Rosenberg Redefines the Recovery Journey
Episode Overview
- Codependency is reframed as Self-Love Deficit Disorder, focusing on a lack of self-love rather than vague personality labels.
- A simple relationship test—who gives most love, respect, caring, trust and protection and stays despite poor reciprocity—can signal SLDD.
- Core shame, rooted in childhood attachment trauma with narcissistic parents, drives people to accept abuse and neglect in adult relationships.
- Pathological loneliness functions like a withdrawal symptom, creating an addiction-like compulsion to stay in or seek harmful relationships.
- Ross’s ten-stage Self-Love Recovery Treatment Programme aims to replace self-love deficit with self-love abundance, often requiring consistent psychotherapy.
“"At the heart of codependency is a self-love deficit problem."”
Understand the complexities of addiction with insights from psychotherapist Ross Rosenberg as he sits down with host Dianna Romanov on "Divorce Like a Boss." The conversation centres on why Ross believes the term "codependency" is broken and why he now calls it "Self-Love Deficit Disorder" (SLDD). You’ll hear Ross explain how the old language of co-alcoholic and co-chemical dependent evolved into "codependent" and why this history still shapes how people misunderstand the problem today.
He offers a clear, everyday test instead of a long checklist: in your relationships, who gives most of the love, respect, caring, trust and protection? If it’s you, and you stay even though it isn’t reciprocated, he’d say that points to SLDD. Ross shares the metaphor that launched his global bestseller *The Human Magnet Syndrome*: a dance where the leader is the narcissistic taker and the follower is the self-sacrificing giver.
Like magnets, "the giver, the lover, the patient person" keeps getting pulled towards the taker, even when it hurts. A big part of the chat is his pyramid model, starting with childhood attachment trauma from narcissistic parenting, leading to core shame ("feeling fundamentally unlovable"), pathological loneliness, and then an addiction-like compulsion to stay in toxic relationships. He stresses that this is far too complex to fix alone, comparing it to trying to perform surgery on yourself.
For those wondering, "Am I just a people pleaser?" Ross breaks down different types of codependents and explains why personality traits shouldn’t be confused with the disorder itself. He also outlines his ten-stage Self-Love Recovery Treatment Programme, where the ultimate goal is "self-love abundance"—replacing shame, loneliness and compulsion with deep self-respect and healthier relationship choices.
If you’ve ever felt like your "picker" is broken and you keep choosing painful partners, this conversation might be the nudge to ask: are you ready to choose self-love instead?
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