Suki Jones and Erin Khar: Rising from the Ashes of Addiction

I mean, I really, there was part of me that like I saw in myself what my dad was like to me, like I saw like the fucked up parent. Even though I didn't have the rage, the anger, the volatile mood swings that he had, I still was absent. And so telling my mom that I was using was like a huge turning point because I was I was like okay, I'm going to be accountable. Once I tell my mom, once this is out of the bag and I tell my mom, there's no going back. Like I can't rescind it. Once that's out there and she knows because my mom just will she will not let things go. So I was like if I tell her that I'm using and what what happened there, I mean, it had been years of her asking me, 'Are you on drugs?' They then altered it to manic depression and then bipolar disorder. So she knew early on that I had mental health issues, so she just think I think she thought it was a combination of trying to raise the kids by myself, dealing you know like going through like a divorce and casper passing away. She like she I think she thought it was just a like a nervous breakdown. Yeah, maybe right like she's having a two year, three year nervous break like yeah because it was years of her being like what's going on and she and she had contributed in terms of like with her father and yes, the marriage or I'd be like, 'Can you take the lawsuit?' Yeah, you know, that whole thing. Like, like I think she was kind of shocked that like I really was on drugs, you know that that was what was going on, like she was like, 'Where are you getting it?' Like, 'Where?' And I told her, like, because I use humor to deflect, I was like, 'Oh, I get it at Safeway.' And she was like, 'You can get it at Safeway?' And I was like, 'No mom, and you were like, 'I'm a fucking drug addict,' yeah and I'm getting out of it, yeah and she was like really shocked that I, you know, that it was heroin, you know, like what, you know, like heroin, like, are you kidding me, you know? So, it is always shocking, it's always shocking. Yeah, but I had at that point committed to myself and you know, to my at that point like my family, like okay, I gotta do something