Dopey 586: CLASSIC DOPEY! Robbing Drug Dealers! Federal Indictment! Lesbian Prison Romance! Heroin! Crack! & Single Motherhood in Recovery with Kelly PDopey 586: CLASSIC DOPEY! Robbing Drug Dealers! Federal Indictment! Lesbian Prison Romance! Heroin! Crack! & Single Motherhood in Recovery with Kelly P
Dopey: On the Dark Comedy of Drug Addiction
Timestamps 00:00:00 Intro music 00:03:28 Welcome to Dopey, Knicks playoff fever and Bob Dylan jokes 00:05:31 Dopey Short Film Festival announcements 00:07:10 Listener email: dating another addict in early recovery 00:09:45 Dave's advice on recovery relationships 00:11:25 Mountainside sponsorship 00:12:45 BetterHelp sponsorship 00:13:35 Zach from North Dakota's 2C-B story 00:17:32 Brayburn sponsorship 00:18:20 Patreon comments and discussion of last week's episode 00:24:40 More listener comments and Lyme disease discussion 00:26:00 Workit Health sponsorship 00:27:05 Spotify comments 00:31:45 Maddie Boons' heartfelt letter to Dave 00:33:50 Recovery Unplugged sponsorship Kelly Petro Simone Interview 00:34:30 Kelly joins the show; memories of Mountainside in 2011 00:38:30 The rumor Dave got kicked out of treatment 00:40:30 Growing up in New Haven 00:48:00 Childhood trauma and difficult family dynamics 00:52:00 First getting high at age 12 00:54:40 Marijuana, cocaine and early addiction 00:59:15 Cocaine takes over at 17 01:03:40 High school sports, drugs and abusive relationships 01:08:30 Physical abuse, trauma and addiction 01:13:20 Discovering Percocets and oxycodone 01:18:00 Becoming a pill dealer 01:24:30 Robbing her supplier and stealing pills 01:29:00 DEA investigation and federal indictment 01:37:45 Federal arrest and jail 01:41:30 Mountainside 2011 and first failed recovery attempt 01:45:00 Federal prison in Danbury 01:56:00 Prison romance and surviving incarceration 02:02:00 Returning to methadone after prison 02:05:30 Heroin addiction and relationship chaos 02:10:00 Fentanyl enters the picture 02:14:00 Children, addiction and devastating consequences 02:21:00 Years of isolation and active fentanyl addiction 02:23:45 Crack cocaine enters the mix 02:30:00 Returning to Mountainside in 2023 02:34:00 Learning to listen and accept help 02:38:00 Recovery, meetings and rebuilding life 02:42:00 Getting pregnant after one year sober 02:48:30 Single motherhood and acceptance 02:52:45 Kelly's recovery today 02:53:00 Closing thoughts 02:54:15 Outro and Dopey announcements SEO Description (Cut & Paste) Federal prison, heroin, fentanyl, crack cocaine, oxycodone trafficking, prison romance, single motherhood, and recovery. This week on Dopey, Dave welcomes Mountainside alum Kelly Petro Simone, who shares an unforgettable story of addiction and redemption. Kelly talks about smoking weed at 12, falling into cocaine addiction as a teenager, selling Percocets, getting caught in a federal oxycodone trafficking case, serving time in federal prison, surviving heroin and fentanyl addiction, and ultimately finding lasting recovery. Kelly also discusses prison life, a prison romance, motherhood, recovery after decades of chaos, and how she rebuilt her life after addiction nearly destroyed everything. PLUS listener emails, Knicks playoff fever, Patreon comments, Zach's insane 2C-B story, recovery resources, Narcan, the Dopey Short Film Festival, and much more.
2:58:28•5 Jun 2026
From Federal Indictment to Single Mum Sobriety: Kelly P’s Wild Ride on Dopey
Episode Overview
- Selling oxycodone for a dealer, getting federally indicted with a dozen others, and watching parents put their homes up for bail shows how quickly dealing escalates beyond ‘easy money’.
- Years of rotating through methadone, pills, heroin and later fentanyl highlight how substitution alone, without real change, leaves someone stuck in the same cycle.
- Kelly’s time in Danbury federal prison, where she withdraws, studies culinary arts and finds a girlfriend, underlines how people can adapt and even thrive in harsh settings without actually getting well.
- Falling out in front of her niece and seeing the shame and fear in her family becomes one of the memories she keeps as a reminder of how bad it got.
- Accepting a scholarship back to Mountainside, staying for around 40 days, going on to sober living, and finally taking suggestions and working a programme mark the turning point that supports her current life as a sober single mum.
“I was so sick of myself. I'm so sick of having to do this. This story.”
What remarkable journeys have people faced head-on against addiction? This episode of **Dopey** throws listeners straight into the chaos, dark humour, and fragile hope that shape one woman’s life in addiction and recovery. Host Dave brings back an old Mountainside rehab alum, **Kelly P (Kelly Petro Simone)**, whose story is as wild as the episode title promises: robbing dealers, federal indictments, lesbian prison romance, heroin, crack, and finally, single motherhood in recovery.
The show leans hard into its trademark blend of “stupid funny addiction stories” and honest reflection, so you’ll hear people laughing about absolute mayhem one minute and quietly owning their shame the next. Kelly talks about selling oxycodone in New Haven, getting swept into a twelve‑person federal case, and doing just under a year in Danbury federal prison, where she jokes that women’s jail felt “not that bad” and even managed a prison girlfriend and microwave‑gourmet cooking.
Dave keeps it loose and funny, but doesn’t sugar‑coat the damage: family homes put up for bail, nieces traumatised, and years on methadone and fentanyl. Things shift when Kelly hits that worn-out, dead-end place only long-term opiate users really recognise. She describes reaching the point where, “I was so sick of myself. I'm so sick of having to do this. This story,” and finally accepting a scholarship back to Mountainside—after one last 24 hours of fentanyl and crack.
For people in or near relapse, or anyone living with a loved one still using, this episode hits that uncomfortable sweet spot between hilarious and horrifying. It shows how long change can take, how messy it looks, and how recovery can still lead to passports, holidays with a toddler in Aruba, and a very ordinary, quietly precious life. After all that chaos, what version of ‘normal’ are you chasing today?
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