Episode #123 - Boundaries or Estrangement?: What is Happening With FamiliesEpisode #123 - Boundaries or Estrangement?: What is Happening With Families
The Vegas Therapist - Ryan Wynder
Therapist Ryan Winder reflects on whether therapists and social media are fuelling a rise in adult children cutting off their parents, sharing research, client stories and his own experiences. He contrasts full estrangement with firm boundaries, stressing a repair-first approach while recognising that sometimes distance is the only safe option.
34:53•24 Sept 2026
Boundaries vs Cut-Offs: Are Therapists Fueling Family Estrangement?
Episode Overview
- Ryan emphasises that his starting point in therapy is aiming for repair in family relationships rather than immediate cut-offs.
- He acknowledges that estrangement can be necessary in cases of significant abuse or harm, but questions whether some people now choose it too quickly.
- Research cited in the episode suggests estrangement may bring short-term relief but is linked to higher long-term unhappiness and depression.
- Ryan highlights the influence of social media and online content that normalises going "no contact" and can push people toward pre-decided cut-offs.
- He stresses the importance of personal accountability, encouraging people to consider whether they have truly pursued repair before severing ties.
“"I think the main message I get out of this article... is that I feel like it's always about repair."”
What can we learn from those who have battled with cutting off family members versus holding firm boundaries instead? This episode of The Vegas Therapist brings that question right into the spotlight as therapist and host Ryan Winder reflects on a controversial Wall Street Journal piece asking whether therapists are to blame for the rise in adult children cutting off their parents. Ryan talks through his own guiding belief that "repair is option 1".
He’s clear that estrangement can sometimes be necessary, especially in abusive or deeply harmful situations, but he worries that for some people, cutting off has become the first instinct rather than the last resort. You’ll hear him contrast a repair-first mindset with stories of clients and families where the bar for calling something "abusive" seems to keep dropping.
He shares a powerful example of a woman who thought she was going to therapy to learn boundaries with her mum, only to end up fully estranged for ten years, missing key family moments before deciding to reconnect. Ryan also brings in research on the long-term emotional cost of cut-offs, from grief over missed time to higher rates of unhappiness and depression.
There’s a personal touch too: Ryan talks about his limited relationship with his own dad due to addiction and dishonesty, and how he sought repair multiple times before accepting distance as the healthiest option. He even pulls in a clip from Gary Vee and Mel Robbins, questioning how long people keep blaming parents and avoiding accountability by clinging to old wounds.
If you’ve ever wrestled with whether to hold a boundary, take a break, or walk away from a parent, this conversation gives space to ask: have you really tried repair, or did you jump straight to goodbye?
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