ESH: Karen R Author of the Big Book Story: Crossing the River of DenialESH: Karen R Author of the Big Book Story: Crossing the River of Denial
Sober Cast: An (unofficial) Alcoholics Anonymous Podcast AA
Karen R shares her story "Crossing the River of Denial," recounting arrests, denial, and early sobriety struggles before finding long-term recovery in AA. She reflects on using the 12 steps, spiritual surrender, and service to others to transform a chaotic drinking history into a meaningful sober life.
35:19•5 Apr 2026
Crossing the River of Denial: Karen R on Arrests, Humour and Honest Sobriety
Episode Overview
- Keeping vivid memories of the most humiliating drinking moments helps cut through the lie that alcohol “wasn’t that bad.”
- Nothing external can force a drink; the only honest reason to pick up is “because I want to,” which removes all excuses.
- True surrender began with a simple, unconditional prayer of “God help me,” without bargaining or promises.
- Working all the steps, including amends decades later, brings ongoing healing and unexpected gifts in sobriety.
- Carrying the message to others, including through written stories, turns a painful past into something that can help another alcoholic.
“There are no excuses. None. Other than, I want to. And I don’t want to today.”
What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol? For Karen R from Las Vegas, it was a mix of “magic in these rooms,” five arrests, and a level of denial so strong she still thought car crashes were other people’s fault.
Speaking at a Monday night AA speakers’ meeting in Florida, Karen shares the story behind her Big Book contribution, **“Crossing the River of Denial.”** You’ll hear about blackout “pee stories”, spending her wedding night in jail, getting thrown out of The Plaza Hotel for peeing in the lobby “with grace and dignity,” and how she became an expert at blaming everyone else – husbands, bosses, even elderly drivers – for the chaos in her life.
She talks about keeping mental “3x5 note cards” of her most humiliating drinking moments to cut through the lies of “maybe one wouldn’t hurt” and “I wasn’t that bad.” Her story moves into AA recovery in detail: the moment she read Step One and simply prayed, “God help me,” the surrender that followed, and the realisation that “nothing can make me pick up a drink… other than, I want to.” She shares how losing her career, relationship, house, and health early in sobriety became proof that a drink never fixes anything.
Karen walks through her journey from untreated alcoholism to long-term sobriety, using humour and brutal honesty. Karen also brings the AA programme to life through Steps Four to Twelve, from an over-written inventory and a blunt sponsor (“God, so many men”) to amends made 40 years later and the “ultimate 12th step” of having her Big Book story help a young woman recognise her alcoholism.
This episode is ideal if you’re new to AA, stuck in denial, or needing a reminder of why you stopped drinking. Which of Karen’s moments can you tuck into your own ‘mental file drawer’ for the days your head starts lying to you again?
Do you want to link to this podcast?
Get the buttons here!
More From This Show
The latest episodes from the same podcast.
Related Episodes
Similar episodes from other shows in the catalogue.