He Might Be Dead, But It’s My Sunday That’s RuinedHe Might Be Dead, But It’s My Sunday That’s Ruined
Untoxicated Podcast
Matt Salis shares a darkly funny and conflicted reflection on his relationship with Patrick, an unfiltered older friend who died in an electric scooter accident. The story moves through irritation, affection and irony as a crowded memorial reveals just how many people Patrick’s chaotic life touched.
12:36•1 Oct 2026
Sarcasm, Scooter Crashes and a Complicated Goodbye
Episode Overview
- Grief can sit alongside irritation and inconvenience, especially with complex relationships.
- People may use offensive language yet still show genuine care and concern for others.
- Generational differences in views on race, gender and politics can create tension without easy resolution.
- Young women often quietly assess and decide how to respond to uncomfortable comments from older men.
- A person who seems exhausting or inappropriate to some may still have a large, meaningful impact on many lives.
“Sunday afternoons are sacred to me. They are prime do-nothing time. So when Patrick's memorial was set for 3 p.m. on a Sunday, I was pissed.”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This episode shifts away from alcohol directly and drops you into Matt Salis’s raw, funny and uncomfortable essay about grief, friendship and a deeply imperfect human called Patrick. You’ll hear Matt wrestle with the fact that “Sunday afternoons are sacred to me,” and that Patrick’s memorial being set for 3 p.m. feels more irritating than heartbreaking.
From there, the story rolls through years of writing-group Thursdays with a 75–year-old man whose messy handwriting and even messier language made everyone both laugh and wince. Patrick is painted as crass, filterless and often offensive, yet also oddly tender. Matt shares how Patrick’s unapproved vocabulary and inappropriate analogies sat alongside his genuine care, like the way he’d walk Matt to his car and check if he was okay.
There’s no neat moral offered, just the uneasy truth that people can be both loving and deeply problematic at the same time. The essay also touches on generational clashes around race, gender and politics, strained parent–child relationships, and the quiet labour of young women who silently tolerate comments from older men to keep the peace. Matt’s daughter, used to handling his own father’s opinions, manages civil conversations with Patrick where mashed potatoes stay firmly on the plate.
Patrick’s death in an electric scooter accident becomes another piece of the story’s dark humour and irony, especially given his anger about helmets. The memorial itself shocks Matt: instead of a handful of offended acquaintances, over a hundred people turn up with their own Patrick stories, showing how one chaotic life can leave a lot of marks.
If you’re interested in messy grief, complicated love and how recovery doesn’t erase our irritation with others, this episode might make you laugh, flinch and think all at once. How do you hold compassion for someone who never quite learned to hold his tongue?
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