Hiding Suicide Can Mean Grieving a Loved One Twice

Hiding Suicide Can Mean Grieving a Loved One Twice

How do people find hope in the darkest times? This conversation between host Janice Arnoldi and guest Lisa Sugarman centres on exactly that question, through a raw story of suicide loss and complicated grief. Lisa shares how she "lost" her father twice: first at age ten, believing he’d died of a heart attack, and then 35 years later when she learned he had actually died by suicide.

She talks about what it meant to grieve him as a child, and then to face his death again as an adult, saying the truth "just really took me down" and changed the entire trajectory of her life. You’ll hear how secrecy and stigma around suicide shaped her family’s choices, why her mother chose to shield her, and how common beliefs like "suicide is selfish" can be deeply harmful.

Lisa explains how she now sees suicide as a consequence of severe mental illness, comparing it to life-threatening physical illnesses where treatment doesn’t always work. The episode also looks at the unique weight carried by families after suicide: shame, isolation, unanswered "why" questions, and, for some, the trauma of finding their loved one.

Lisa is clear that she isn’t a clinician, but a long-term suicide loss survivor and crisis counsellor whose first priority is to validate people’s experiences and remind them they’re not alone. Janice and Lisa talk about the importance of community, from grief groups and crisis lifelines to Lisa’s resource platform, The Help Hub, which gathers support options by country and demographic so people don’t feel lost when they’re trying to figure out "Google what?".

If you’ve been touched by suicide, or you care about someone who has, this honest, compassionate chat might give you language, context, and a little more courage to speak openly. Who in your life could benefit from knowing they don’t have to carry their grief in silence?