How the Drama Triangle Keeps Families Trapped in Addiction (and How to Escape) with Dave KenneyHow the Drama Triangle Keeps Families Trapped in Addiction (and How to Escape) with Dave Kenney
Families Navigating Addiction & Recovery
Jeff Jones talks with Dave Kenney about how Karpman’s Drama Triangle keeps families stuck in addiction patterns, especially through the rescuer role. They outline practical ways for relatives to move towards a coaching stance and support independence, without trying to control a loved one’s behaviour.
45:36•18 Sept 2026
Breaking Free from the Drama Triangle with Dave Kenney
Episode Overview
- Families often sit in victim, rescuer or adversary roles, and repeated drama is a strong sign this pattern is active.
- Rescuing behaviours, such as paying bills or fixing problems, remove natural consequences and keep loved ones dependent.
- A victim mindset is marked by blaming, complaining and justifying rather than taking responsibility for choices.
- Shifting from rescuer to coach means asking questions and trusting the person to solve their own problems.
- Meaningful change starts with the family member recognising their own role and focusing on their behaviour rather than trying to control someone else.
“There is no such magic wand exists.”
What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol when the whole family feels stuck in chaos? This conversation between host Jeff Jones and returning guest Dave Kenney takes on that question by unpacking Karpman's Drama Triangle and showing how it quietly keeps families locked into addiction patterns.
Drawing on more than 30 years in human performance and brain-first recovery, Dave explains why addiction is a "solution to a bigger problem" for the brain, and why family members’ efforts to fix or control their loved one so often backfire. He breaks down the three roles in the Drama Triangle – victim, rescuer and adversary – and points out the tell-tale signs, like blaming, complaining and justifying.
As he puts it, "There is no such magic wand" to make someone change. The real heart of the episode lies in the rescuing role, which many parents slip into out of love and fear. Dave and Jeff look at everyday examples, such as paying an adult child’s phone bill, and show how rescuing removes natural consequences and keeps the person dependent.
Dave’s gentle challenge – "Don’t undersell their creativity" – asks families to rethink assumptions about what their loved one can handle. From there, the conversation shifts towards a different triangle: moving from victim to hero, and from rescuer to coach. Instead of telling and fixing, a "coach" asks questions like, "What can you do today to make some money this week?" and lets the person face the results of their choices.
It’s uncomfortable work, and the episode doesn’t pretend otherwise, but it offers a clear framework and language for families who are tired of drama and ready for change. If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, "I don’t know who I am if I’m not saving them," this one might be the nudge you need to start asking, what kind of role do you want in your own story?
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