James D. Age 41 Sober: 2/23/16James D. Age 41 Sober: 2/23/16
Keep Coming Back: Real Stories of Sobriety & Recovery
It took James two-stints in rehab, and then sober living to finally get a grasp on his painkiller addiction. In today's conversation we discuss how his relationship with his wife was able to withstand the time away, and how relationships and work-life are today. (note this interview was recorded in 2019)
47:31•30 Oct 2020
From Painkillers to Peace: James D on Sobriety, Marriage and Starting Over at 41
Episode Overview
- Addiction can thrive behind a life that looks successful, with career, money and relationships all appearing intact.
- Painkillers and other pills allowed James to hide his addiction for years, creating a full-time double life that eventually became unmanageable.
- Committing fully to rehab, sober living, daily meetings and step work gave James a sense of peace even while his life circumstances were still chaotic.
- Rebuilding a relationship after addiction took time and was grounded in James keeping his recovery first rather than trying to fix everything at once.
- Speaking openly about struggles and emotions, especially in men’s meetings, is presented as a powerful act of strength that helps both the speaker and others in the room.
“If you're struggling with something, to actually talk about what's going on and what you're struggling with, in my opinion, is the greatest exhibition of strength that you can show as a person.”
What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol and pills after years of apparent success? This conversation between host Mike S and his friend James D pulls back the curtain on a life that looked perfect on paper – elite sport, a strong family, a big New York finance job – while addiction quietly tore everything apart.
You’ll hear James describe how "work hard, play hard" drinking slid into a hidden painkiller habit, complete with a double life, 60–70 pills in his pocket, and a surreal moment where, after passing out in a meeting at work, he chartered a helicopter to Atlantic City instead of getting help.
He’s brutally clear about reaching the point of using 40–50 painkillers a day, losing control, and realising, "I was going to die or I was going to get help." The episode spends serious time on what came next: rehab in Southern California, sober living, and the decision to follow every suggestion laid in front of him.
James shares how early meetings, daily step work, and a strong men’s home group slowly gave him a sense of peace he’d never felt before. A powerful moment comes during his ninth step in Boston, when amends work leaves him driving along the water at night, in tears, feeling like things might actually be okay despite his life being in pieces on paper. For anyone wondering if relationships can survive addiction, you’ll find careful honesty rather than clichés.
James talks about his marriage being shredded by years of using, the slow rebuild, and how his wife eventually found her own recovery through Al‑Anon. Their separate but parallel recovery journeys bring a hopeful, grounded angle for partners and families listening. If you’ve ever felt like you should have it together because “everything looks fine”, this story asks a simple question: what if real strength starts with saying you’re not okay?
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