Lauren L. Age 34 Sober since: 2/7/17Lauren L. Age 34 Sober since: 2/7/17
Keep Coming Back: Real Stories of Sobriety & Recovery
"I lost total control. I really could not handle myself. I was doing drugs before work, at work, and that went on for about 3 years when I then had a very public blackout. Literally everybody that I didn't to see me that way saw me blacked out, and it was the first time I realize I could lose everything I worked so hard for"
1:02:45•7 Feb 2020
Lauren L on Losing Control, Letting Go and Rebuilding Life Sober
Episode Overview
- High achievement and a busy life can hide severe addiction, including daily drinking and drug use before and during work.
- A single public blackout can expose the truth and highlight how much there is to lose.
- Early sobriety can feel excruciating, but committing to daily meetings and following a sponsor’s direction can create real change.
- Some friendships and romantic relationships cannot survive sobriety, making boundaries and sometimes endings necessary.
- Letting go of control often starts with simple pauses, breathing, and accepting that outcomes do not have to match one’s plans.
“"I lost total control. I really could not handle myself. I was doing drugs before I went to work, at work... I could lose everything I'd worked so hard for."”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This conversation between host Mike S and guest Lauren L, sober since February 2017, speaks directly to anyone wondering if their relationship with alcohol and drugs has gone too far. Lauren describes high-functioning chaos: teaching spin classes, building a marketing agency, and yet, as she puts it, "I lost total control... I was doing drugs before I went to work, at work".
The turning point came after a very public blackout at a fashion event, where "literally everybody that I didn't want to see ever see me that way saw me blackout drunk". That shock made her realise how close she was to losing everything. The episode spends plenty of time on what happens *after* the last drink.
You’ll hear about early meetings in a shabby New York club, resisting the urge to "design my own way" of recovery, and the slow, awkward process of building a new life that doesn’t revolve around booze or cocaine. Relationships are a big theme: partners in crime who keep using, friends who keep offering drugs, and the painful choice to set boundaries or step away.
Lauren shares how working the steps shifted her from frantic control to learning to pause, breathe, and trust something bigger than herself instead of running "my own three ring circus". There’s also a powerful amends story where she confronts her behaviour at that blackout fashion show and owns the damage she caused. The tone is honest, occasionally funny, and very down-to-earth, making it especially useful for people who appear to be "holding it together" on the outside.
If you’ve ever wondered whether your success means you can’t really be an addict, Lauren’s story might make you think again – and perhaps ask what would happen if you just showed up and listened too.
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