Limerence in the Workplace — When the Fantasy Follows You to WorkLimerence in the Workplace — When the Fantasy Follows You to Work
Secret Life
Brianne Davis-Gantt unpacks workplace limerence as an emotional addiction disguised as love, explaining why it forms, how it shows up, and what can help break the cycle. She offers practical tools, attachment-aware context, and a strong message of self-compassion for anyone caught in obsessive fantasy at work.
16:12•8 Jun 2026
Limerence at Work: When Obsession Masquerades as Love
Episode Overview
- Limerence is an emotional obsession fuelled by uncertainty, mixed signals, and the chase for validation, rather than genuine intimacy.
- Workplaces intensify limerence through long hours, stress bonding, emotional closeness, and professional distance that leaves room for fantasy.
- Those with anxious or wounded attachment histories are especially vulnerable, often mistaking familiar chaos for chemistry.
- Breaking free requires stopping romanticisation of the obsession, cutting off small emotional hits, and getting honest about who the person truly is.
- Healing means addressing deeper unmet needs, reconnecting with real life and relationships, and replacing shame with self-compassion.
“Real love expands your life. Limerence consumes it.”
What drives someone to seek a life without emotional chaos at work? This episode of Secret Life zooms in on limerence in the workplace – that intense, obsessive fixation on a colleague that feels like love, but hits more like an emotional addiction.
Brianne Davis-Gantt keeps it raw and relatable as she breaks down what limerence actually is: “an intense emotional obsession with another person where your nervous system becomes hyper-fixated on getting emotional validation, attention, reciprocity from them.” She explains how offices, sets, and shared workspaces become perfect pressure cookers for this obsession – long hours, stress bonding, emotional intimacy without real intimacy, and loads of mixed signals.
You’ll hear her outline the classic patterns: the unavailable co-worker, trauma bonding through stress, and projecting fantasy onto someone you barely know outside of emails and meetings. She draws a sharp line between fantasy and reality, reminding you that “real love expands your life. Limerence consumes it.” Brianne doesn’t just describe the problem; she walks through practical steps to break free.
She talks about stopping the romanticising of obsession, cutting off the tiny emotional “hits” like social media stalking and engineered interactions, getting brutally honest about who this person actually is, and digging into the deeper wounds and attachment issues underneath. There’s also a strong focus on healing: reconnecting with real life – partners, friends, creativity, purpose – and dropping the shame.
She stresses that many people go through this, and that the goal isn’t self-blame, but understanding your nervous system and choosing emotional safety over emotional intensity. If your mood at work rides on whether one person looks your way or replies to your message, this episode might be the gentle reality check you’ve been waiting for. Are you ready to stop feeding the fantasy and come back home to yourself?
Do you want to link to this podcast?
Get the buttons here!
More From This Show
The latest episodes from the same podcast.
Related Episodes
Similar episodes from other shows in the catalogue.