Loneliness — a social painLoneliness — a social pain
All In The Mind
Loneliness is a growing issue around the world, and a recent national survey reveals that 1 in 4 Australians are lonely.
28:52•7 Apr 2019
Loneliness as Social Pain: Why Connection Matters More Than We Think
Episode Overview
- Loneliness is a subjective feeling that can exist even when someone is surrounded by others, and it is strongly linked to poorer physical and mental health.
- Australian survey data suggests around one in four people report high levels of loneliness, with more physical symptoms like headaches and stomach problems and greater risk of depression and social anxiety.
- Meaningful, high‑quality relationships – even just one – can help buffer loneliness more than simply increasing the number of social contacts.
- Practical support often means building social confidence, challenging negative assumptions about others, valuing small talk, and nurturing everyday relationship "hygiene" like expressing gratitude and showing interest.
- Simple actions such as checking in on neighbours, joining community schemes, or volunteering for call services can ease personal loneliness and support others at the same time.
“"Loneliness can be incredibly toxic. It's a toxic way to live."”
How do people find hope in the darkest times? This episode of *All In The Mind* turns that question towards loneliness, treating it as a "social pain" that can weigh on both body and mind. Host Lyn Malcolm brings together researcher Dr Michelle Lim and writer Nick Duoden to unpack what loneliness actually is and why it matters so much.
Lim explains that "loneliness is defined as a subjective sense of social isolation" – you might be surrounded by people and still feel you don’t truly connect. Her research in Australia suggests that one in four people report high levels of loneliness, linked with more nausea, headaches, stomach problems and a higher risk of depression and social anxiety. Lim describes loneliness as sharing similar brain pathways to physical pain, stressing the body like a constant alarm signal.
She points out that both adolescents and older adults are especially vulnerable, and that meaningful relationships – rather than just being around others – can buffer some of that pain. She also flags how poor neighbourly connection and stigma around admitting loneliness can quietly deepen the problem. From the UK, Duoden adds a wider lens, sharing what he learned while writing *A Life Less Lonely*. He quotes scientist Steve Cole, who warned that "loneliness can be incredibly toxic.
It's a toxic way to live," and talks through the difference between fleeting, situational loneliness and chronic loneliness that shapes how someone sees the world. You’ll hear stories ranging from Japanese hikikomori to a 96‑year‑old widower whose life slowly opened up again through phone calls and volunteering.
Throughout, there’s a strong focus on practical steps: building social confidence, using small talk as a bridge to deeper connection, nurturing even a single relationship, and noticing the neighbour who might just need a five‑minute chat. For anyone in recovery or simply feeling cut off, this conversation might help you ask: where could you take one small step back towards other people?
Do you want to link to this podcast?
Get the buttons here!
More From This Show
The latest episodes from the same podcast.