Mildred F Step 11 FOTS Toronto Zoom 02-03-26Mildred F Step 11 FOTS Toronto Zoom 02-03-26
Mad Dog Recovery AA Speakers
AA member Mildred F recounts her journey from drinking in childhood and life as a "drunken nun" to long‑term sobriety and a deepening Step 11 practice. She talks about spiritual experience, inner healing, guilt, religion versus spirituality, and the ongoing process of growth in recovery.
46:06•1 Oct 2026
From Drunken Nun to Spiritual Seeker: Mildred F on Step 11 and a Loving God
Episode Overview
- A single guiding idea for Mildred is that a loving power watches over her and that turning to that power through prayer and meditation is central to Step 11.
- Early spiritual experiences did not protect her from alcoholism; practical AA action and later inner work on buried beliefs were needed for lasting change.
- Material success in sobriety did not resolve inner emptiness, showing that emotional and spiritual growth are just as important as external stability.
- She suggests that guilt is "a waste of time" when held against a loving higher power and that change, amends and continued growth matter more.
- Mildred describes recovery as a continuous process of uncovering new layers and learning to let the "acorn" of self grow into the "oak" it is meant to be.
“We know that God lovingly watches over us. We know that when we turn to him, all will be well with us here and hereafter.”
What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol? In this talk for Fellowship of the Spirit Toronto’s 11th Step Speaker Series, long‑time AA member Mildred F shares what she describes as a lifetime’s journey from "the drunken nun" on a park bench to a woman whose days are centred on prayer, meditation and spiritual growth.
Speaking with warmth and plenty of dry humour, Mildred anchors everything to one line from the Twelve and Twelve: "We know that God lovingly watches over us. We know that when we turn to him, all will be well with us here and hereafter." She keeps coming back to that question: do you believe that – especially when life is painful, messy, or not going to plan?
You’ll hear her describe growing up Roman Catholic in Saskatchewan, taking her first drink at five, hiding alcohol through 15 years in a convent, and later becoming, as she puts it, "the drunken ex‑nun" shuttling between psych wards, jail and a park bench.
She recounts a sudden spiritual experience in a hospital ward where she says the obsession to drink was removed, and how that was quickly followed by AA, skid row, sweeping floors to survive, and slowly rebuilding a life. Mildred talks frankly about getting rich and successful in sobriety yet becoming suicidal because "the outside was fixed" but "the inside was barren".
A teacher in the United States helped her start dealing with "things buried below the level of consciousness" and showed her that recovery means going "far beyond those things which were superficially wrong with us". Questions from AA members touch on guilt, shame, religion versus spirituality, and whether the inner "layers" ever stop.
Mildred’s answer is that growth continues, mistakes still happen, but guilt is "a waste of time" in the light of a loving power: "The acorn must learn to rejoice in the fact that within it is a mighty oak seeking to express itself." If you’re wondering whether long‑term sobriety can still change and deepen, this talk might give you plenty to think about.
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