My mind was a strangerMy mind was a stranger
All In The Mind
The story of an Irish design engineer who suffers from an extreme form of bipolar disorder—charting his relationship with the illness from an idyllic childhood, through a drink and drug-fuelled adolescence and early adulthood, to relative stability today.
29:31•9 Oct 2016
My Mind Was a Stranger: Ian’s Bipolar Battle with Drink, Drugs and Hope
Episode Overview
- Alcohol and cannabis became Ian’s early escape from long, crushing depressions.
- His manic episodes were sudden and extreme, often seen as more dangerous than his depression.
- Ian was first labelled a drug addict before being clearly diagnosed with manic depression, now bipolar disorder.
- He rides out months-long depressions by routine and resisting suicidal plans, which act as a "release valve".
- Support from his wife, workplace and new focus on beekeeping and woodworking have helped him find relative stability.
“"Then that will left me. And when it changed, my mind was a stranger. It was lost to me."”
What remarkable journeys have people faced head-on against addiction? This episode of *All In The Mind* follows Ian, an Irish design engineer in his mid-50s, as he talks frankly about living with severe bipolar disorder and a long, tangled relationship with alcohol and drugs. You’ll hear Ian describe a magical, carefree childhood on a small farm, where he saw fairies in the trees and was tipped to be a millionaire before 20.
Then things changed abruptly: "My mind was a stranger. It was lost to me." He recalls months-long depressions, sleeping up to 17 hours a day, and vivid suicidal fantasies, with drinking and cannabis becoming his escape route.
Ian shares intense episodes of mania and psychosis – from feeling chosen to "heal the world" while walking barefoot into mountains, to being sectioned in a mental hospital, joyriding a van through Nuremberg, and being diagnosed first with "cannabis psychosis" and later with manic depression, now called bipolar disorder.
He’s startlingly honest about how doctors have worried more about his mania than his depression, and how stigma around mental illness still pressures people into softer labels like "anxiety" on sick notes. Amid the chaos, there’s hard-earned stability. Ian talks about lithium, stopping drugs and alcohol, his determination to ride out months-long depressions unaided, and his pride in "weathering those storms" without acting on suicidal plans.
He credits his wife as "the main spotter" of his episodes and shares how beekeeping and woodworking on their small holding have become a daily, grounding obsession that supports his mental health. With its mix of dark humour, raw honesty, and hope, this story offers a vivid look at how addiction, mental illness, family, and work can intertwine.
If you’re curious how someone can live with extreme bipolar disorder and still build a loving, functional life, this episode is worth your time – what parts of Ian’s story resonate most with you?
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