Parenting in Recovery with Tricia Kostin & Jamie Carvalho of Cairn PsychotherapyParenting in Recovery with Tricia Kostin & Jamie Carvalho of Cairn Psychotherapy
Recovery Recharged with Ellen Stewart Pushy Broad from the Bronx
What is Parenting in Recovery? What challenges do these parents face? How can professionals help you navigate better communication with your children and your loved ones? We talk to two clinicians at Cairn Psychotherapy who can answer these questions.
55:38•10 May 2023
Parenting While Sober: Real Talk with Cairn Psychotherapy
Episode Overview
- Parenting in recovery requires focusing on your own basic needs so you can care effectively for your children.
- Consistent boundaries and aligned parenting between partners are crucial for building trust with kids and teens.
- Use age‑appropriate explanations: simple "allergy" language for young children and honest, direct discussions for teens.
- Parents are urged to ask for help, use supports like meetings and therapy, and accept that trust with family is earned over time.
- Creating a safe home environment may mean adjusting your own substance use and removing easy access to alcohol or medications.
“If your kid had a peanut allergy, you wouldn't rub peanut butter all over the walls and say, good luck. Don't touch it.”
How do people cope with the challenges of staying sober while raising kids at the same time? Recovery Recharged tackles that head‑on as Ellen Stewart chats with long‑time clinicians Tricia Koston and Jamie Carvalho from Cairn Psychotherapy about what parenting in recovery really looks like day to day. Right from the start, they cut through the jargon. Tricia sums it up simply as "trying to parent while you're sober" and admits it can feel like walking through a minefield.
Jamie adds that newly sober parents have to learn to care for themselves while they still have "these little ones we have to take care of too," which can make early recovery especially intense. The episode digs into common challenges: fear of relapse, guilt about going to meetings, and the struggle to ask for help.
Tricia and Jamie keep things practical, talking about the HALT check‑in (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) and the importance of taking a five‑minute time‑out and actually coming back when you’ve promised your child you will. Trust is a recurring theme, with Tricia stressing, "Mean what you say. Say what you mean. Don't keep changing the rules." You’ll hear clear, age‑specific advice too.
For young kids, addiction might be explained as an "allergy" that makes mum or dad "get really sick" or "mean." For teens, the focus shifts to honest conversations, aligned parenting and house rules, like keeping a "dry" home even when college kids return. They also unpack ideas like arrested development, reminding parents that "Your child started using at 12. You have a 12‑year‑old" emotionally, even if they’re now much older.
For anyone sober or newly sober who’s juggling meetings, school runs, guilt and family expectations, this episode offers straight talk, relatable examples and a strong message: you’re not alone, and with support, boundaries and patience, family life can become healthier and closer than it’s ever been. So if you’re wondering how to balance your recovery with being a present parent, could this be the conversation you need to hear next?
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