Perfection – The Hidden AddictionPerfection – The Hidden Addiction
Recovery Recharged with Ellen Stewart Pushy Broad from the Bronx
Everyone praises perfection—but what if it's actually keeping you trapped? Perfectionism isn't about high standards, it's often about fear, shame, and the desperate need for approval. Discover why so many successful people secretly struggle and learn...
29:30•22 Jul 2026
Perfectionism: The Hidden Addiction Sabotaging Recovery
Episode Overview
- Perfectionism functions like an addiction, offering brief emotional relief followed by renewed anxiety and higher standards.
- Perfectionist thinking often begins in childhood, where love and approval are tied to performance and achievement.
- Recovery is based on honesty and progress, and perfectionism can block people from seeking help and keep them isolated.
- Social media comparisons and impossible expectations increase anxiety, depression and emotional exhaustion for perfectionists.
- Self-compassion, accepting "good" instead of flawless, and striving for authenticity rather than perfection are key steps in breaking the cycle.
“Perfectionism is never rooted in confidence. It is always rooted in fear.”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety when perfection keeps whispering that nothing they do is good enough? This episode of Recovery Recharged with Ellen Stewart, the Pushy Broad from the Bronx, tackles perfectionism as a "hidden addiction" that quietly drains energy, joy, and progress. Ellen, joined in the studio by Emily reading listener questions, breaks down why perfectionism isn’t about high standards at all, but about fear, shame and a desperate need for approval.
She compares the perfectionist cycle to classic addiction: you chase the next flawless dinner, the spotless house, the perfect outfit, get a short burst of relief, and then immediately raise the bar again. As she puts it bluntly, "Perfectionism is never rooted in confidence. It is always rooted in fear." You’ll hear how this pattern often starts in childhood, when love and praise are tied to performance, and how those early messages can turn perfection into a lifelong survival strategy.
Ellen links this directly to recovery, stressing the 12-step idea of "progress, not perfection" and warning that perfectionism can block people from asking for help, fuel isolation, and even become a substitute addiction after getting sober. The conversation ranges from social media comparison traps to the way perfectionism exhausts hosts who can’t enjoy their own parties, and how it quietly damages relationships by making honesty and vulnerability feel dangerous.
Ellen draws a clear line between healthy excellence (doing your best) and perfectionism (believing your best is never enough). Practical ideas come thick and fast: finish tasks without endless revising, accept "good" rather than chasing flawless, practise self-compassion, and remember that people who truly love you don’t need a polished version of you, just the real one. If perfection has been running your life or your recovery, could it be time to aim for authenticity instead?
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