Podcast XTRA: Q&A with Dr. Heather Hafer
Podcast XTRA: Q&A with Dr. Heather Hafer

My Child & ADDICTION

Parents ask Dr. Heather Hafer direct questions about adolescent addiction, trauma, relapse risk, and modern treatment approaches. She explains the three C’s, co-occurring issues, and age-appropriate care for young people in recovery.

InformativeEducationalSupportiveHopefulHonest

10:24•28 Aug 2026

RSS Feed

Why Your Child’s Addiction Isn’t Your Fault: Q&A with Dr Heather Hafer

Episode Overview

Parents are reminded of the three C’s: they didn’t cause their child’s addiction, can’t cure it, and can’t control it.
Trauma and addiction often occur together, so both need to be addressed rather than treating only one issue.
Relapse usually starts with changes in behaviour long before substance use returns, such as secrecy, isolation, or dropping recovery activities.
Young adults benefit from age-appropriate treatment focused on emotional regulation, communication, and building healthy relationships.
State-of-the-art care relies on evidence-based approaches like motivational interviewing, CBT and DBT, which research shows can be effective.

“We really want to start with the three C's. You didn't cause it. You can't cure it. You can't control it.”

What insights can experts and survivors share about addiction? This Q&A episode brings parents together with Dr. Heather Hafer from Caron Treatment Centers, giving them a chance to ask the tough questions about their children, addiction, and what real help looks like in early recovery. Dr. Hafer starts with something many parents might need to hear on repeat: “We really want to start with the three C's. You didn't cause it. You can't cure it.

You can't control it.” From there, she breaks down addiction as a disease, stressing that even the most loving upbringing can’t guarantee protection, and that true change has to come from within the young person. Parents hear how trauma and addiction often go hand in hand. Dr.

Hafer explains that you can’t simply erase trauma, and that focusing on only one issue is risky: if you treat the addiction but ignore trauma, “the trauma will come back up and be an active symptom again.” So she talks through why early work is more about education, stabilising, and gradually building in trauma-specific interventions. Relapse questions come up too.

Rather than waiting for a crisis, she suggests watching for old behaviours returning—secrecy, isolation, skipping meetings, dismissing therapy or meds—and responding with a “loving mirror” rather than accusations. She also contrasts adolescent and young adult treatment with adult care, pointing out that society often expects 16–18-year-olds to act like 30-year-olds. Her approach focuses on emotional regulation, identifying feelings, healthy communication, and learning how to relate to others after long periods of isolation, especially post-Covid. Finally, Dr.

Hafer talks about “state-of-the-art care” in practical terms: evidence-based approaches like motivational interviewing, CBT and DBT, and a growing culture where more people talk openly about addiction and mental health. If you’re parenting a child with substance use issues and wondering what’s realistic, what’s hopeful, and what to watch for, this conversation might be exactly the reassurance you need right now.

PreviousHELP!... WHAT KIND OF HELP?

Next"RELAPSE…WHY?"