RE 612: If You Want This, You Can't Have ThatRE 612: If You Want This, You Can't Have That
Recovery Elevator
Paul reflects on choosing between alcohol and a fulfilling life, then talks with Pete, a music venue manager in Aspen, about his long history with heavy drinking and his recent shift into sobriety. The conversation highlights honesty, community, and the practical choices that support an alcohol-free life.
51:58•9 Nov 2026
If You Want This, You Can’t Have That: Pete’s Candid Look at Sobriety and Music-Culture Drinking
Episode Overview
- Paul’s mantra, “If you want this, then you can’t have that,” sums up the need to choose between alcohol and a genuinely happy, stable life.
- Pete explains that for him, any return to drinking predictably leads back to daily use, so playing the tape forward is crucial.
- Honest conversations—“interventioning” yourself and telling loved ones you’re in active addiction—can be a powerful turning point.
- Community spaces like Café RE and Ben’s Friends help replace isolation with connection, making it easier to stack sober days.
- Shifting from “I can’t drink” to “I want a sober life” reframes the process as moving toward something better, rather than just losing alcohol.
“I know if I pick up a drink, whether that's in a month or two weeks or three months, I'm going to find my way to a daily drink.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This conversation on Recovery Elevator centres on one blunt, game-changing line Paul once taped to his wall: “If you want this, then you can’t have that. If you want that, then you can’t have this.” For him, “this” meant a happy, grounded life; “that” was alcohol. Paul opens up about his own 2014 turning point, when he finally accepted he couldn’t have both alcohol and the life he wanted.
He talks about choice, repetition, and how saying “yes” to life often means saying “no” to booze hundreds of times a day at the start. He also shares why connection-based spaces like Café RE chats matter so much, especially when addiction tries to convince you that you’re alone. Then the focus shifts to Pete, a 40-year-old music venue manager from Aspen, Colorado, who’s around five months alcohol-free.
Pete describes growing up with music, early binge-style drinking, and how alcohol became his way to calm an overactive brain. Working in late-night live music, he slid into a pattern of blackout drinking, cocaine use, and “never enough” sessions that followed him from college into his career. Pete talks frankly about grief after his dad’s death, the chaos of covid, and trying to white-knuckle stretches of sobriety before slipping back.
The turning point came when he realised, “I know if I pick up a drink… I’m going to find my way to a daily drink,” and decided to “intervention” himself rather than wait for a disaster. He shares how being honest with his wife and his staff, using groups like Ben’s Friends and Recovery Elevator, and even simple tools like alcohol-free beer have helped.
He’s clear that he now craves connection more than he craves a drink, and he leans on one sharp reminder: he’s never woken up sober wishing he’d drunk the night before. If you’re wondering whether you can really have both alcohol and the life you want, this chat might nudge you to ask yourself the same question.
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