Recovery Talk
Recovery Talk

Voices In Recovery Podcast

David and Steve have a candid conversation about grieving old identities in recovery, including queerness, rage and mental health labels. They reflect on how accepting all parts of self can reshape sobriety and challenge dogma, stigma and harmful language.

AuthenticHonestInspiringHealingEducational

1:08:29•22 Jul 2026

RSS Feed

Grieving Who We Were: Identities, Rage and Queerness in Recovery Talk

Episode Overview

Grieving past identities is a key part of recovery, allowing you to honour who you were without letting those roles control you now.
Queerness, rage and other "blocked" parts of self often resurface in sobriety and need acceptance rather than suppression.
Language matters: terms like "relapse" or labels such as ODD and BPD can shape how people are treated and how they see themselves.
Recovery works best when identities are allowed to coexist, instead of forcing one "recovery self" to dominate all others.
Feeling uncomfortable while confronting racism, ableism and old beliefs is part of growth, not a sign that you’re failing.

“"Joy is resistance. Recovery is resistance."”

What can we learn from those who have battled addiction? This Recovery Talk instalment of Voices in Recovery brings together David Lewry and Steve from Stonewall Recovery Centre for a raw, funny, and deeply human chat about grieving identities in recovery. Instead of talking about sobriety as a simple fresh start, they unpack how old selves don’t just vanish.

Former identities – the enforcer, the good church kid, the straight version of yourself, the "life of the party" drinker – all need to be recognised, thanked, and often grieved. As Steve puts it, "By grieving them, it meant I acknowledged their existence...

I acknowledged their need in my life and that they played a part." You’ll hear candid stories about queerness in recovery, going back into the closet, and how internalised beliefs around sexuality, gender, and mental illness can make staying sober feel like a battle with your own DNA. They talk openly about rage as a survival identity, anger as a "beautiful, lovely emotion", and the cost of pushing those feelings down until they explode.

The conversation also tackles stigma-laden labels like "oppositional defiance disorder" and "borderline", and how they can shape the way services respond to people seeking help. There’s sharp critique of dogmatic, abstinence-only approaches, balanced with humour and practical ideas, like swapping "relapse" for "return to use" and writing out all your identities to see how they fit together.

Throughout, there’s a clear message: recovery isn’t about becoming someone else; it’s about welcoming all the parts of who you are and deciding which ones still get a say. As David sums up, "Joy is resistance. Recovery is resistance." If you’ve ever wondered who you are without substances – and who you’re allowed to be with them gone – this conversation might spark some honest reflection.

What identities are you ready to grieve, and which are you finally ready to reclaim?

PreviousBronwyn's Story