RR 219: How to stay Sober Addicted to the Monkey Mind with JF BenoistRR 219: How to stay Sober Addicted to the Monkey Mind with JF Benoist
The SHAIR Recovery Podcast
Omar Pinto talks with JF Benoist about the “monkey mind”, shame, and performance-based self-worth, and how these drive addictive behaviours. They share practical tools for building self-kindness, using breath and awareness to change long-standing patterns and support lasting sobriety.
1:41:20•23 Apr 2019
Addicted to the Monkey Mind: JF Benoist on Shame, Sobriety and Self-Kindness
Episode Overview
- Shame and self-criticism do not create lasting change; awareness and self-acceptance open the door to real transformation.
- A simple daily breathing practice that notices, rather than fights, thoughts can train you to pause instead of reacting when triggered.
- Much addictive behaviour stems from old programming and performance-based self-worth learned in childhood, not from being a “bad person”.
- Learning to tolerate and even welcome discomfort is crucial, because the urge to avoid it at all costs often drives relapse.
- Putting a clear stake in the ground about not drinking and speaking honestly about it can attract more authentic, supportive relationships.
“Learn to be kind to yourself. You are not your behavior. You are not your mistakes.”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This conversation between host Omar Pinto and author/therapist JF Benoist pulls that question apart by going straight to the noisy core of addiction: the "monkey mind". JF explains that the real battle isn’t with alcohol or drugs, but with the anxious, shame-fuelled inner voice that’s been programmed since childhood.
He shares the central message of his book *Addicted to the Monkey Mind: Change the Programming That Sabotages Your Life* through simple stories and analogies – from burnt toast and broken toasters to a terrified dog kicked for years – all to show why “fixing” yourself with willpower and shame keeps you stuck.
You’ll hear how he uses a daily 20‑minute breathing practice to build a relationship with his thoughts instead of trying to silence them, training himself to return to the breath when triggered. Omar and JF unpack how this shift into an “observer mind” can interrupt the instant fight‑or‑flight reaction that so often ends in a drink. JF also talks about experiential engagement therapy, the method he created and uses at his treatment centre in Hawaii.
Rather than just talking about problems, people re‑enter old emotional patterns with their adult selves present, so their bodies can finally learn a different outcome. He connects this with Brené Brown’s work on shame, arguing that true happiness comes from a higher capacity for discomfort, not from a life without it. One of the most moving threads is self-kindness. JF repeats, “Learn to be kind to yourself.
You are not your behaviour,” stressing that many people use shame as a twisted form of motivation – and it never works. If you’ve ever wondered why you drink even when you know better, this episode offers a fresh way to look at your thoughts, your triggers, and your worth. What would change for you if you stopped punishing yourself and started getting curious instead?
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