RR 228: Recovery for Families with Pam Lanhart and Shelly YoungRR 228: Recovery for Families with Pam Lanhart and Shelly Young
The SHAIR Recovery Podcast
Two mothers, Pam Lanhart and Shelly Young, share how they transformed their own lives and homes to better support sons with substance use disorder. Their conversation focuses on loving boundaries, daily wellness practices and treating addiction as a health condition while keeping family relationships at the centre.
1:47:23•25 Jun 2019
From Tough Love to Loving Well: Family Recovery with Pam Lanhart & Shelly Young
Episode Overview
- Shifting from tough love to “loving well” means holding firm boundaries while keeping the relationship safe and compassionate.
- Working on personal recovery through routines like prayer, meditation, movement, sleep and financial health helps family members stay grounded in crisis.
- Changing language from blame (“you should”, “you need to”) to questions and agreements reduces conflict and builds trust.
- Treating addiction as a health condition rather than a moral failure helps families respond with support instead of shame.
- One emotionally healthy, supported family member can begin to change the entire family system and create space for recovery to take root.
“We are powerful and our thoughts create our reality and our beliefs create our reality, and our love is a force.”
What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol when it’s their child, not them, caught in addiction? This conversation on The SHAIR Recovery Podcast zooms in on mums, partners and family members who feel helpless watching a loved one spiral, and shows them there *is* a different way to respond. Host Omar Pinto chats with guests Pam Lanhart and Shelly Young, both mothers of sons in recovery and co-creators of the Family Recovery Conference.
Instead of the usual “detach and tough love” script, they talk about building a home where recovery can actually grow. Pam sums up her turning point with a simple question she was asked: “Are you going to be right for the sake of justice, or are you going to love for the sake of relationship?” You’ll hear how both women worked on their *own* recovery first – through spiritual practice, therapy, financial healing, and the “eight dimensions of wellness”.
Morning routines with prayer, journalling, walks in nature, yoga and solid sleep aren’t self-indulgence here; they’re the armour that lets them face crisis calls, relapses and hard conversations without burning out. The episode also digs into boundaries without ultimatums, shifting from “you should” to curious questions, and creating agreements instead of threats.
Shelly explains why she no longer believes families are powerless: “We are powerful and our thoughts create our reality and our beliefs create our reality, and our love is a force.” This one is especially useful for parents and partners who can’t imagine kicking their loved one out, but know that what they’re doing now isn’t working.
If you’ve ever wondered whether you can stay connected *and* protect yourself, this conversation shows what loving well can actually look like in day-to-day family life. How might your home change if you treated addiction as a health condition and your relationship as the safest place in the house?
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