Ryan A. – Sober Since April 2017Ryan A. – Sober Since April 2017
AA Recovery Interviews
Ryan A. shares how a secretive, chaotic upbringing and escalating alcohol and drug use led to repeated failed attempts at sobriety before he fully committed to AA in April 2017. He talks about treatment, relapse, deep willingness, working the steps twice, and the role of service and sponsorship in sustaining over five years of sobriety.
1:12:22•3 Sept 2026
From Oblivion to Willingness: Ryan A.’s Five Years of Sobriety
Episode Overview
- Early exposure to AA without real willingness often leads back to drinking and using, even when treatment provides tools.
- Family secrets and unspoken trauma can fuel anger and addiction long before alcohol or drugs enter the picture.
- Real change began when Ryan accepted desperation, went back to AA within 24 hours, and honestly asked someone to sponsor him.
- Daily meetings, working all 12 steps, and consistent service—like running the coffee bar and sponsoring others—strengthened his sobriety.
- Ego and intellect alone weren’t enough; learning humility and the ability to say “I don’t know” became central to his ongoing recovery.
“I finally became willing to say I don’t know. I had been a know-it-all this whole time up to that point.”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This conversation between host Howard L. and Ryan A. shines a light on that question with raw honesty and a bit of wry humour. Ryan shares how a childhood of constant moves, family secrets around addiction, and deep loneliness set the stage long before he picked up alcohol or drugs.
He describes himself as having “the ism long before the alcohol was involved,” and talks about growing up “dry and angry,” retreating into a private world and using arrogance as armour. By the time he hit his teens and early twenties, he was chasing blackout-level oblivion: “I sought oblivion.
Give me oblivion now.” The episode traces his first half-hearted attempts at AA at 19, a later stay in treatment, and five more years of heavy drinking and drug use, including meth and cocaine. Ryan is frank about wrecked opportunities, manic control, and the chaos of repeated “going nuclear” on jobs and relationships.
Yet the heart of the story is the turning point: broke in spirit, facing the same old wreckage, and hearing his mum’s tough-love line that he already knew what to do. From there, you’ll hear how a simple decision to go to a meeting, get a sponsor, and actually work the steps changed everything.
Ryan talks about daily meetings, running the coffee bar four nights a week, sponsoring men, and doing the steps twice to move from being “sober and miserable” to a deeper spiritual awakening. His honesty about ego, humility, and learning to say “I don’t know” makes this especially relatable for anyone in early or mid-recovery. If you’re wondering whether AA can still work for a headstrong, sceptical mind, Ryan’s story might be the nudge you need—where might willingness take you next?
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