Ryan M. Age 49 Sober since: 10/08/09Ryan M. Age 49 Sober since: 10/08/09
Keep Coming Back: Real Stories of Sobriety & Recovery
"5% of life is what's happening to you, and 95% of life is how we react to it" In the course of an hour, Ryan and I discuss the blackouts, the un-manageability , and the double life that comes with active alcoholism. In the back half we explored finding a relationship with a power greater then yourself and how that manifests in life today.
58:07•5 Nov 2019
From Blackouts and Rage to Gratitude: Ryan M’s AA Journey
Episode Overview
- Dry periods without support can leave the same mental chaos and despair, even when alcohol is removed.
- AA meetings can work even for those who arrive angry, sceptical and determined to prove everyone wrong.
- Working the steps with a sponsor helped Ryan form a higher power that was forgiving, patient and able to "grow" with him.
- Ninth-step amends, even to deeply harmful parents, can lead to unexpected compassion and a sense of freedom.
- Simply showing up, listening, and letting others reflect back progress can spark hope when you can’t yet see it in yourself.
“Life is 5% of what happens to you and 95% of how you react to it, so do the steps and get better, because life is going to continue while you're here.”
Curious about how others handle early sobriety when life feels completely unmanageable? This conversation between host Mike S and guest Ryan M, sober since 2009, offers a raw, honest look at what it can take to go from suicidal drinking to genuine gratitude. Ryan talks frankly about years of blackout drinking, secret double lives, and using alcohol to escape a childhood full of chaos and abuse.
He describes planning his own death in chilling detail, including laying planks of wood to make a ramp into a telephone pole, and the moment after a failed attempt when he woke up thinking, “this is not normal… people don’t do this.” You’ll hear how a casual call to a friend unexpectedly led him into AA, and how he arrived full of rage and scepticism. His first reaction to meetings? “I think you're full of shit. I don't like you.
Ryan shares how sponsorship and working the steps helped him build a picture of a higher power he could actually live with, starting with simple lines like, “Good morning, John’s God.” His ninth-step amends to his deeply alcoholic and abusive father is one of the most powerful parts of the episode, ending with Ryan leaving the family home “with total forgiveness in my heart.” The chat closes with practical encouragement: come to meetings, “just listen,” and remember that “5% of life is what's happening to you, and 95% of life is how we react to it.” If you’re feeling angry, sceptical, or stuck, could Ryan’s story be the nudge you need to keep coming back?
I don't like any of you people. I think you're all a bunch of liars,” followed by throwing a chair and storming out. The next day, nobody mentioned it. That quiet kindness became a turning point.
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