Secrets and lies: The untold story of adoptionSecrets and lies: The untold story of adoption
All In The Mind
Shame, guilt, loss, and grief - giving up a baby at birth can leave a powerful and permanent psychological imprint on a young mother. Countless Australian women without a wedding band were forced to relinquish their babies for adoption. Don't miss these rare and frank reflections from three women, whose lives were deeply affected by the experience.
30:07•13 Jun 2009
Secrets, Shame and Ghost Children: The Hidden Cost of Forced Adoption
Episode Overview
- Forced adoption left many Australian women with grief similar to bereavement, often lasting decades.
- Secrecy and shame around unwed pregnancy intensified feelings of isolation, guilt and low self-worth.
- Lack of sex education, contraception access and social support meant many women felt they had no real choice.
- Sharing stories in safe spaces such as writing groups can help unlock buried memories and support emotional healing.
- Reunion with adopted children can bring both comfort and fresh challenges, as mothers question their worthiness and role.
“There is no question that relinquishment is like a bereavement. You never fully get over it. You learn to live with it.”
How do people find hope in the darkest times? This episode of *All In The Mind* turns to three Australian women – Robin, Joy and Kate – whose pregnancies outside marriage in the 1960s and 70s led to forced adoption, secrecy and lifelong emotional scars. Guided gently by producer Anita Barrow and host Natasha Mitchell, the conversation is raw, honest and at times shocking.
You’ll hear Robin describe being sent away, giving birth alone, and being told, “It’s a boy, but you don’t need to know that,” before being pressured into signing papers she didn’t understand. Joy talks about violent home life, no sex education and a traumatic birth that left her believing she didn’t deserve another child. Kate reflects on a strict Catholic upbringing where unwed mothers were “fallen women” and contraception was taboo.
Psychologists Dr Jennifer Rice and Gabby Howes add clinical context, explaining how relinquishment can feel like a bereavement that never quite fades, with a “ghost child in the background” and grief that can stretch decades. They highlight the damage caused by secrecy and shame, and how being denied choices or support intensifies the mental health burden.
What gives the episode its emotional weight is the way the women describe trying to live ordinary, productive lives while carrying deep guilt, anger and a fractured sense of self. Writing groups, meditation, everyday rituals and eventually reunion with their adopted children become small but significant steps towards healing.
For anyone interested in trauma, identity, family secrets or how past policies continue to echo through people’s lives, this conversation offers a stark look at how silence harms – and how sharing stories can slowly stitch some of the pieces back together. It might leave you wondering what hidden chapters older women around you are still carrying alone.
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