Self Control Requires Self-Awareness (Episode 3 - Archive)Self Control Requires Self-Awareness (Episode 3 - Archive)
Relational Recovery
Wes Thompson and Austin Hill talk about how genuine self-control in recovery grows from self-awareness, clear boundaries and stepping back from emotional chaos. They share practical ways to slow down, detach, and make better decisions in unhealthy or exhausting situations.
7:08•12 Aug 2026
Self-Control, Brick Walls and Better Boundaries
Episode Overview
- Self-control depends on seeing clearly what is actually happening, not just reacting to stirred-up emotions.
- You cannot control other people, but you can set boundaries and choose whether to stay in unhealthy interactions.
- Spending energy on things you cannot change mainly leads to exhaustion and unnecessary suffering.
- Brief pauses—seconds or minutes—before responding can create crucial space between stimulus and reaction.
- Imagining someone you care about in your situation and asking what advice you’d give them can help you detach and respond more wisely.
“One of the key qualities a leader must possess is the ability to detach from the chaos, mayhem, and emotions in a situation and make good, clear decisions based on what is actually happening.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This archived conversation from Relational Recovery brings Wes Thompson and Austin Hill together to talk about why self-control starts with really knowing what's going on inside and around you. The tone is down-to-earth and practical, with plenty of relatable examples.
One standout moment is when they compare staying in a toxic relationship to repeatedly hitting your head against a brick wall: "Every time I hit my head against the wall, I get a headache... Maybe you could stop hitting your head against the wall." It’s simple, slightly funny, and cuts right to the heart of self-sabotaging behaviour many people in recovery recognise.
The episode focuses on the idea that you can’t control other people, but you can control your boundaries and responses. They talk about saying things like "we’re not talking about this topic" or "I need you to respect me" and being willing to step away if those boundaries aren’t honoured. For anyone dealing with manipulative or draining relationships while trying to stay sober, this will feel very familiar.
A key reference point is a quote from Jocko Willink on leadership: the ability "to detach from the chaos, mayhem, and emotions in a situation and make good, clear decisions based on what is actually happening." Wes and Austin connect this idea directly to recovery, stressing how easy it is to become reactive and end up "in a ditch" because you didn’t slow down enough to see things clearly.
They offer simple, realistic tools: take a few seconds or minutes before responding, ask "what’s the problem we’re actually trying to solve here?", and imagine someone you care about in your shoes and what advice you’d give them. The conversation is aimed at people wrestling with unwanted behaviours, addictions, and messy relationships, offering small, doable steps toward clearer thinking and healthier choices.
If you’re tired of feeling exhausted by situations you can’t control, could a bit more self-awareness be the shift you need?
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