S*x Addiction, Betrayal, And The Road Back To Trust | With Rabbi Shmuel SkaistS*x Addiction, Betrayal, And The Road Back To Trust | With Rabbi Shmuel Skaist
BrainStorm with Sony Perlman
Sony Perlman and Rabbi Shmuel Skaist talk candidly about sex addiction, betrayal trauma and how secrecy devastates trust in relationships. The conversation explores structured disclosure, rebuilding trust and the deep inner work needed on both sides of a fractured partnership.
1:59:51•19 Jul 2026
Sex Addiction, Secrecy and Rebuilding Trust with Rabbi Shmuel Skaist
Episode Overview
- Betrayal trauma arises when someone meant to protect you becomes the source of harm, especially in intimate relationships.
- Partners often experience PTSD-like symptoms after discovering years of secret sexual behaviours and deception.
- Secrecy and ongoing gaslighting around addiction can be more damaging than the acts themselves.
- Structured disclosure, sometimes supported by polygraph testing, can help betrayed partners reclaim their own life story and start rebuilding trust.
- Meaningful repair demands sustained humility, responsibility and inner work from the person who betrayed, alongside space for the partner’s pain.
“It's the secrecy, the secrecy, the secrecy. That is the most painful part of it because that's where the betrayal takes place.”
What makes a recovery story truly inspiring? Here, you’ll get a close-up look at how sex addiction shatters trust and what it actually takes to rebuild it. Sony Perlman sits down with his long-time friend Rabbi Shmuel Skaist, a clinician and PhD candidate who specialises in sex addiction, betrayal trauma and relational repair. The tone is warm, jokey and very human, but they’re clear that this is a "doozy" with sensitive content that may not be suitable for children.
Shmuel lays out what betrayal trauma really means, starting from research on children abused by the very parents meant to protect them, then applying that frame to marriage and intimate relationships. He explains how secret sexual behaviours, including pornography, don’t just break a contract of monogamy; they erode a partner’s sense of reality over years. As he puts it, "It's the secrecy, the secrecy, the secrecy.
That is the most painful part of it because that's where the betrayal takes place." Sony challenges the idea at first, comparing it to codependency and other addiction models where everyone is urged to "stay in their lane" and work on themselves. Over time, you’ll hear his perspective shift as Shmuel describes betrayed partners living for decades on false information, and the immense responsibility on the person who betrayed to show up fully, humbly and consistently.
They unpack structured disclosure, why some couples use polygraph tests, and how rebuilding trust often means years of steady, honest behaviour rather than a quick fix. There’s also a powerful thread about looking inward; Shmuel’s rooftop message to the world is simple: "Look inside. That's where growth happens." If you’re wrestling with betrayal, sex addiction, or the fallout of secrecy in a relationship, this conversation may challenge your assumptions while giving you language for pain that’s often hard to describe.
Could owning the harm and rebuilding trust, step by step, be the start of a very different kind of intimacy?
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