The 3 H's of Healthy Relationships: Marriage, Mental Health & Recovery with Susan McKeownThe 3 H's of Healthy Relationships: Marriage, Mental Health & Recovery with Susan McKeown
3-21 NoKiddin' Gambling Addiction Recovery Podcast
Bobbie Malatesta and Susan McKeown talk about how better communication, self-care, and realistic expectations can strengthen marriage and support recovery. The conversation links relationship habits with mental health, addiction patterns, and practical tools like the three H’s: hugged, heard, or helped.
45:18•10 Nov 2026
Marriage, Mental Health and Recovery: Susan McKeown on the Three H’s of Connection
Episode Overview
- Small shifts in how partners greet and speak to each other can dramatically change the tone of an evening and the health of a relationship.
- The three H’s—hugged, heard, or helped—offer a simple way to ask for the kind of support you need instead of receiving unwanted advice.
- Uncommunicated expectations around chores, timing, and roles often cause conflict; saying clearly what you need reduces resentment.
- Counselling is framed as essential self-care for mentally healthy people, especially when stress, anxiety or addiction issues are present.
- Regular appreciation and gratitude for everyday efforts help couples stay connected and may reduce the pull towards affairs or escape behaviours.
“"Do you need to be hugged, heard, or helped?"”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This conversation between host Bobbie Malatesta and guest Susan McKeown offers a fresh angle: how healthier relationships can support recovery, mental health, and family wellbeing. Susan, a retired paediatric nurse practitioner married for 55 years, draws on decades of experience with couples, families, and substance use. She explains why communication is the "underpinning" of strong relationships and challenges the habit of treating strangers more politely than partners.
Her simple experiment—coming home once with a grunt and a beer, and another time with a smile, a kiss, and "How was your day?"—shows how tiny shifts can change an entire evening. One of the standout tools she shares is the "three H’s": asking your partner, "Do you need to be hugged, heard, or helped?" Instead of rushing to fix everything, this makes space for emotional honesty and prevents resentment from building up in that metaphorical "backpack" of ignored frustrations.
The episode also touches on addiction directly. Susan notes that people use substances "for a reason"—usually to ease pain, depression, or anxiety—and stresses the value of professional counselling as routine self-care, not a sign of being "crazy". She points out that many people have a plumber and a dentist on speed dial, but no one to call when life feels overwhelming.
For those dealing with gambling, substance use, or other compulsive behaviours, you'll hear how relationship stress, unspoken expectations, and lack of self-care can feed harmful coping strategies. Susan encourages practical habits: daily check-ins, time in nature, meaningful movement, small acts of appreciation, and volunteering as a way to boost those feel-good endorphins.
If you’re wondering how marriage, mental health, and recovery can actually work together instead of against each other, this episode offers concrete ideas and relatable stories to think about. Which of the three H’s do you need most right now—hug, hear, or help?
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