The Chuang Tzu – Apologies

The Chuang Tzu – Apologies

What can we learn from those who have battled addiction? This conversation brings together Buddy C, Brian, Drew, Lou and Orlando in an online recovery meeting where ancient Taoist wisdom meets very practical 12-step experience. Centred on Thomas Merton’s Chuang Tzu passage “Apologies”, the group reflects on how ideas like “Perfect love is without demonstrations. Perfect sincerity offers no guarantee.” speak directly to step nine and the messy business of making amends.

They contrast polite, performative apologies to strangers with the deeper, more informal care within close relationships, asking what genuine repair looks like in recovery. You’ll hear a lot of honest sharing about over-planning apologies, scripting conversations, and trying to control other people’s reactions. Drew talks about early sobriety and wanting his wife to simply say “it’s fine” after an apology, then realising true amends meant listening to how his addiction affected her and accepting the discomfort of her pain.

Brian and Buddy unpack the idea of “living amends” – letting actions at home speak louder than the words “I’m sorry” ever could. The group keeps things grounded with AA references, including the idea that “my actions changed me, not my beliefs”, and the practice of praying for those we resent until compassion starts to appear.

Lou’s story of an unexpected family reunion on a motorway adds a touch of synchronicity, reinforcing the theme of travelling life “with an open hand, not trying to grip it and control it.” If you’re working on step nine, wrestling with resentment, or just tired of overthinking every apology, this episode offers steady, down-to-earth companionship and some fresh angles on making things right. How might your amends look if you worried less about the outcome and more about sincerity?