The Surprising Power Of Non-Reactivity, with Cathy CiothThe Surprising Power Of Non-Reactivity, with Cathy Cioth
Hopestream for parenting kids through drug use and addiction
Brenda Zane and Cathy Cioth talk about how non-reactivity and acceptance can shift the dynamic for parents of teens or young adults using substances. They share personal stories, body-based tools and practical phrases to help parents step out of chaos while staying grounded in their values.
55:47•1 Oct 2026
Why Staying Calm Can Change Everything with Your Child
Episode Overview
- Chaos at home usually needs two participants; stepping out of the emotional fire can immediately reduce escalation.
- Non-reactivity is a strategic choice, not passivity, and can actually help parents reclaim a healthy sense of authority.
- Noticing early body cues (butterflies, pounding heart, feeling "out of body") is key to pausing before reacting.
- Simple tools such as deep breathing, visualising calm responses and phrases like "I love you too much to allow this" help parents step away.
- Parents are reminded to distinguish between real safety threats that require outside help and situations that are intensely uncomfortable but not dangerous.
“I can't think of a single time with my son where it benefited both of us for me to come and match his level of energy and escalation and drama and chaos.”
Brenda and Cathy swap raw stories many parents will recognise, like Brenda’s moving-day showdown when her son asked, half an hour into packing, if they were "almost done" and she matched his drama until she realised, "I can't think of a single time with my son where it benefited both of us for me to come and match his level of energy and escalation and drama and chaos." They unpack what acceptance and non-reactivity really mean within the Invitation to Change model (CRAFT + motivational interviewing + ACT), and why the "ACT" piece gets forgotten.
What drives someone to seek a calmer way of parenting in the middle of chaos? This conversation between host Brenda Zane and coach-mum Cathy Cioth leans right into that question, homing in on the "surprising power of non-reactivity" when you're raising a teen or young adult using drugs or alcohol. Aimed squarely at exhausted parents who feel their home revolves around one child's substance use and moods, the episode has an honest, chatty feel.
You’ll hear how chaos needs two participants, how pulling yourself out of the emotional fire changes the whole dynamic, and why being calm is not the same as being a doormat. Brenda and Cathy keep things practical: noticing early body signals (the "butterfly convention" in your chest, pounding heart), using a simple phrase like, "I love you too much to allow this to be part of our relationship.
I’m going to step away," and even practising calm responses in traffic so your nervous system learns a new pattern. They also stress safety: sometimes those body alarms mean you do need outside help. Parents who are tired of shouting matches over thank-you notes, family dinners and "good family" ideals will hear permission to let some of that go and focus on what truly matters: safety, values and preserving the relationship.
Could stepping back from the drama be your next small but powerful experiment this week?
Do you want to link to this podcast?
Get the buttons here!
More From This Show
The latest episodes from the same podcast.