Tom D. AFG speaker

Tom D. AFG speaker

Curious about how others manage life in a family full of alcoholism while staying sober themselves? This talk from Tom D.

from Erlanger, Kentucky, offers a candid look at growing up and living as the non-drinking member in a heavily drinking household, and how Al-Anon became, in his words, something that “saved my life in many ways.” Tom shares how alcohol saturated his childhood – from bars after church to a ten-foot bar in the family basement – and how he became the self-appointed peacekeeper, perfectionist and overachiever who never quite felt he belonged.

You’ll hear how he tried to escape the chaos through work, university, and a serious relationship with his future wife Tammy, only to find that anger, resentment and control followed him wherever he went. The heart of the episode is Tom’s journey into Al-Anon.

Prompted by a crumbling marriage and a simple question from a colleague – “When are you going to be ready?” – he finally went to a meeting and “cried… bawling like a baby,” yet left with “just a smidgen of relief.” From there, it’s meetings (sometimes 14 a week), getting a sponsor, and slowly working the Twelve Steps, including some very honest amends to his parents, his wife and others.

There’s gentle humour too, like his perfectionism ruining his first Fourth Step because of a penmanship mistake, or his firm refusal to kneel in a petrol station bathroom despite sponsor instructions. Alongside the laughs, he shares tender stories of reconciliation with his parents, rebuilding a fragile marriage, caring for an elderly mother-in-law who once drove him mad, and welcoming a former babysitter into the family as a second daughter.

Anyone dealing with alcoholism in the family, struggling with anger, or wondering if Al-Anon might fit them will find this talk relatable, honest and quietly hopeful. What might change for you if you, as Tom puts it, “just get out of the way” and let the programme – and a Higher Power – do some of the heavy lifting?