I can't, you know, explain in all of this that I felt, all of this that I think, you know, I used to say to them, you know, you don't understand what it's like to be like me. I've got an elephant on my chest. I can't breathe. You know, there's bees living inside me... it's just crazy being me. There's too much noise being me. I can't... I can't cope with this, you've got to help me, got to help me, you know... And they never could. And they never could... and uh, so this very, very skinny, very messed up woman, crawled into AA 18 years ago, and just kept coming back.