What is Love? #25 [rebroadcast]What is Love? #25 [rebroadcast]
A Skeptic's Path to Enlightenment
Scott Snibbe contrasts romantic, conditional love with Buddhist loving-kindness and big love, sharing stories, teachings, and research on how love can become a stable inner state. The episode focuses on practical reflection and meditation to move from attachment‑driven relationships toward a more open, unbiased care for all beings.
21:41•25 Aug 2026
Redefining Love: From Attachment to Big Love
Episode Overview
- Romantic love often becomes transactional, tied to expectations and conditions that create agitation and dissatisfaction.
- Buddhist loving-kindness defines love as simply wishing others to be happy, without needing anything in return.
- Attachment is described as a mistaken belief that another person can be the cause of inner happiness, leading to ongoing mental suffering.
- Meditation on love and big love can gradually shift one’s default response to others toward kindness, including strangers and enemies.
- Scientific studies cited in the episode suggest that loving-kindness practice can increase empathy, social connection, and reduce bias.
“Love is wanting someone to be happy. Attachment is wanting it to be me that makes them happy.”
How do people cope with the challenges of staying truly loving in messy, real-life relationships? This rebroadcast from *A Skeptic’s Path to Enlightenment* follows Scott Snibbe as he asks what love actually is—and why the way most of us do it tends to hurt. You’ll hear a clear contrast between romantic, transactional love and the Buddhist idea of loving-kindness, defined simply as wishing others to be happy.
Scott admits that in his own relationships, affection often comes with strings: expectations, demands, and subtle score‑keeping. From there, he breaks down attachment as a mental habit that outsources happiness to other people and objects, leaving you agitated whenever they don’t behave as hoped. One standout moment is Lama Zopa Rinpoche’s sharp distinction: “Love is wanting someone to be happy.
Attachment is wanting it to be me that makes them happy.” That line runs through the whole episode as Scott shares stories of selfless love, including his mother‑in‑law’s wish on her deathbed that her husband find another partner to be happy with. You’ll also get an accessible tour of Buddhist “big love”—maha‑maitri—an attitude that extends warmth and goodwill to everyone, from partners and family to strangers, enemies, and even animals.
Scott talks about practical ways to notice bias in everyday interactions, like silently labelling your reactions to people as attachment, aversion, or indifference while walking down the street or watching TV. The episode closes by highlighting how repeated meditation on love can shift your default way of meeting others, backing this up with research on increased empathy, social connection, and reduced bias in long‑term practitioners.
It’s a gentle yet direct invitation to rethink love as a stable, inner source of happiness rather than a fragile bargain with other people. If love has ever left you exhausted or resentful, could a kinder, less clingy version be worth a try?
Do you want to link to this podcast?
Get the buttons here!
More From This Show
The latest episodes from the same podcast.