What is Resilience? - Resilience & Relationships - Stephanie Olson & Rebecca SaundersWhat is Resilience? - Resilience & Relationships - Stephanie Olson & Rebecca Saunders
Resilience in Life and Leadership
Stephanie Olson and Rebecca Saunders question the phrase “kids are resilient” and discuss what resilience really looks like for children and adults. They share personal stories and practical ideas for helping kids handle big feelings, family change, and modern pressures without minimising their pain.
29:43•2 Sept 2026
Kids Aren’t Bulletproof: Rethinking Resilience with Stephanie Olson & Rebecca Saunders
Episode Overview
- Resilience is less about bouncing back quickly and more about adapting mentally, emotionally, and behaviourally to difficult experiences.
- Saying “kids are resilient” can minimise children’s pain and be misused to excuse harmful adult behaviour.
- Children often blame themselves for adult problems; adults need to validate their feelings and clearly communicate that it is not their fault.
- Helping kids name emotions, separate feelings from behaviour, and use safe spaces or “hassle-free zones” builds strong coping skills.
- Parents can strengthen children’s resilience by modelling apologies, accepting their own mistakes, and allowing “redos” in family interactions.
“Kids are resilient, but that doesn’t mean that we can do really crappy stuff to kids and then not apologize.”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety and parenting at the same time? This chat between Stephanie Olson and Rebecca Saunders zooms in on resilience, especially in children, and what that word actually means in real families. Right from the start, they question the throwaway phrase “kids are resilient”.
Stephanie points out, “kids are resilient, but that doesn’t mean that we can do really crappy stuff to kids and then not apologize,” highlighting how adults sometimes hide behind the idea to excuse poor behaviour or painful decisions. You’ll hear them unpack how children often blame themselves for adult problems—like divorce, arguments, or family upheaval—quietly internalising the message, “it’s my fault”.
Stephanie shares a story from her own childhood, showing how a big relationship change in her mum’s life felt like a major loss to her as a child, even though everything looked positive from an adult perspective. The pair break down formal definitions of resilience and contrast the dictionary version with the American Psychological Association’s focus on “mental, emotional, and behavioural flexibility”.
They stress that resilience isn’t about bouncing back quickly, but about adapting over time, and that this ability can be learned. Practical ideas flow throughout: helping kids name and express big feelings, separating emotions from behaviour (it’s okay to feel angry; it’s not okay to throw things), creating “hassle-free zones”, and modelling apologies and “redos” as parents.
They also touch on grief, addiction recovery, and digital-age pressures like social media and cyberbullying, all of which can shape how children and adults build coping skills. If you’re parenting while healing from your own trauma, addiction, or grief, this conversation offers relatable stories, gentle humour, and concrete ways to support kids without dismissing their pain. How might your own approach to “kids are resilient” shift after hearing their take?
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