Why Is Calm So UncomfortableWhy Is Calm So Uncomfortable
Doc Jacques: Your Addiction Lifeguard
Dr Jacques talks about why calm can feel scary and uncomfortable after addiction, showing how chaos and adrenaline become addictive in their own right. He offers practical steps for handling that uneasy quiet, aimed at both people in recovery and their families.
27:57•10 Nov 2026
Why Calm Feels So Uncomfortable After Addiction
Episode Overview
- Peace can initially feel awful in recovery because the nervous system is used to chaos.
- Many people mislabel sadness, loneliness, shame or anxiety as simple boredom.
- Chaos and adrenaline can act like a secondary drug, creating an emotional withdrawal when removed.
- People often recreate chaos through relationships, work drama, arguments or compulsive spending.
- Practising short periods of stillness, slowing romantic involvement and using trauma-informed therapy can make calm more bearable.
“I'm not bored. I'm uncomfortable with calm.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This episode of *Doc Jacques: Your Addiction Lifeguard* looks at why calm can feel more frightening than chaos, especially for people coming out of addiction. Using a vivid composite client story he calls "Mike", Dr Jacques de Broekert shows how someone with 18 months clean can still be "dating chaos" through crisis-filled relationships and drama, even after the drugs stop.
Dr Jacques explains that many people in recovery mistake boredom for safety issues, saying emotions like sadness, loneliness, shame or anxiety often get mislabelled as "boredom". As he puts it, "I'm not bored. I'm uncomfortable with calm." For those raised in traumatic homes, calm often became the warning sign before the storm, so peaceful moments can feel deeply unsafe, even years later.
You’ll hear how adrenaline, drama and crisis can act like a secondary drug, and why the emotional withdrawal from chaos isn’t talked about nearly enough in recovery circles. He breaks down common ways people go "shopping for chaos" – unstable relationships, work drama, constant arguments, compulsive spending, and endless war stories – all ways to dodge the discomfort of peace.
This episode is aimed at people in early and mid-recovery, as well as families and partners of addicts who are trying to understand why a quiet house can feel so unsettling. Dr Jacques offers practical ideas: naming the discomfort, practising stillness in short bursts, giving adrenaline a healthy outlet, slowing down or pausing romantic relationships, and seeking trauma-informed therapy.
He also speaks directly to families, urging them not to treat quiet as the calm before the storm or poke the addict "to see if they'll slip". Instead, he suggests sitting with them in the discomfort without trying to fix it. If calm makes you itchy, restless, or suspicious, this conversation might help you ask a crucial question: are you really bored, or is peace just new and uncomfortable?
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