#119 Why high achievers living with trauma feel worse despite success

#119 Why high achievers living with trauma feel worse despite success

What drives someone to seek a life without constant achievement yet still feel on edge? This episode of The Trauma Recovery School zooms in on high achievers who quietly feel worse, not better, the more they succeed. Host and trauma recovery therapist Bonita Ackerman du Preez talks about that familiar pattern: you hit the goal, feel “maybe a small moment of relief”, and then your brain races straight to the next target.

She explains that this isn’t laziness, a mindset issue, or ingratitude. Instead, “this is your nervous system that’s learnt to link doing something with safety, achieving with safety, and you can’t find the off switch.” You’ll hear how the brain isn’t actually chasing promotion, pay rises or gold stars; “your brain isn’t actually chasing success. It’s chasing a feeling… of being safe, being enough, of finally being able to rest.” The catch?

That feeling isn’t stored in your to-do list or your results – it’s stored in your body. Bonita breaks down how this survival pattern leads to overworking, perfectionism, people pleasing and burnout. Stillness can feel unbearable, because when you stop, long-suppressed feelings surface, so the nervous system pushes you to stay busy at all costs. She also makes it clear that burnout “isn’t a sign that you’re weak”, but a sign your system has run on overdrive for too long.

Instead of quick fixes like holidays or forcing yourself to relax, she talks about changing the nervous system from the inside out so that rest starts to feel safe and satisfying. Ambition stays, but the pressure lifts, and success begins to feel real on the inside, not just impressive on the outside.

If you’ve ever wondered why you can’t switch off even when you’re exhausted, this conversation may help you see your patterns in a new light and consider what genuine recovery could mean for you.