#126 Why You Don't Feel Like Yourself Anymore | Trauma & Identity#126 Why You Don't Feel Like Yourself Anymore | Trauma & Identity
The Trauma Recovery School
Bonita Ackerman du Preez talks about how trauma shapes identity, explaining the survival self and true self and why feeling empty doesn’t mean you’re broken. The episode focuses on creating safety, noticing small moments of joy, and retraining the nervous system to reconnect with who you’ve always been.
4:52•20 Jul 2026
Trauma, Identity and Finding Your True Self Again
Episode Overview
- Trauma can create a hollow, disconnected feeling without meaning you are broken or lost.
- Bonita explains the difference between the survival self and the true self and how both develop.
- Recovery is framed as returning to your true self rather than becoming someone entirely new.
- Noticing small moments of joy and freedom helps the body learn that safety is possible.
- Stabilising and creating safety come first, followed by retraining the nervous system through repetition.
“With trauma, you're not broken. You're not lost. You're not empty.”
Gain insights from experts and survivors on how trauma can shape who you think you are. In this episode of The Trauma Recovery School, award-winning master trauma recovery therapist Bonita Ackerman du Preez talks directly to people who feel hollow, lost, or like a stranger in their own life.
You’ll hear Bonita gently unpack that haunting phrase, "I don't know who I am anymore," showing how it can be a natural response to past trauma rather than proof that you’re broken. She explains that "with trauma, you're not broken. You're not lost. You're not empty," even if your daily life – the school run, work, family, and that perfect smile – feels disconnected from any real joy.
The heart of the episode is Bonita’s idea of two selves: the "survival self" and the "true self." The survival self is the version of you that stayed small, quiet, capable, and people pleasing to keep your body safe. It’s real and doing a job, but it isn’t the full story of who you are. Underneath is the true self, the part of you that existed before trauma adaptations took over and shaped your identity.
Bonita reframes identity work as a return rather than a search. Instead of looking outside for answers, she invites you to pay attention to tiny moments that "light you up" and feel like freedom. These small shifts, she says, are messages from your body that safety is possible. For anyone grieving the person they were or the life they might have had, this episode offers practical hope.
Bonita talks about stabilising first, creating safety, then retraining the nervous system through repetition so life isn’t driven purely by survival. If you’ve been feeling empty or stuck in survival mode, could recognising your survival self and true self be the first step back to you?
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