#130 Why You Can't Relax After Trauma | When Rest Doesn't Feel Safe#130 Why You Can't Relax After Trauma | When Rest Doesn't Feel Safe
The Trauma Recovery School
Bonita Ackerman du Preez explains why many trauma survivors feel exhausted yet unable to rest, linking this to nervous system and brain responses. She outlines how safety-focused, bottom-up practices can gradually make genuine rest feel possible again.
3:58•17 Aug 2026
Why Rest Feels Unsafe After Trauma and What Your Nervous System Is Trying to Say
Episode Overview
- Feeling unable to rest after trauma is linked to nervous system dysfunction, not laziness or poor discipline.
- Rest requires a sense of safety; for a trauma-trained nervous system, stillness can feel like exposure rather than comfort.
- The brain may respond to rest by activating the amygdala, creating racing thoughts, intrusive memories and catastrophic scenarios.
- Chronic stress affects cortisol levels, keeps the sympathetic nervous system stuck "on" and leaves the vagus nerve depleted.
- Bottom-up tools such as breathwork, movement, sound, touch and temperature, used consistently in a safe context, can help retrain the nervous system so genuine rest becomes possible.
“"Rest is not the absence of activity. Rest is the presence of safety."”
Ever wondered why doing nothing can feel anything but restful after trauma? This episode of The Trauma Recovery School breaks down why so many people feel utterly exhausted yet still can’t relax, and why that has far more to do with the nervous system than with laziness or willpower.
Host Bonita Ackerman du Preez speaks directly to anyone who sits down and instantly feels their mind race, flinches when help is offered, or comes back from holidays more tired than when they left. She reframes the whole idea of rest with the powerful line: "Rest is not the absence of activity. Rest is the presence of safety." For a nervous system trained by trauma to scan constantly for danger, stillness can feel like exposure, not comfort.
Bonita unpacks what’s happening in the brain and body when rest feels impossible. She explains how the amygdala starts "hunting for danger" and, without obvious threats, creates internal ones through racing thoughts and catastrophic scenarios. The default mode network, instead of gentle reflection, can churn out intrusive memories and rumination, while the prefrontal cortex, the rational calming voice, becomes less available under chronic stress.
On top of that, cortisol levels and sympathetic arousal are out of sync, and the vagus nerve has been "running on empty for years". Rather than blaming yourself for poor discipline or lack of motivation, you’ll hear why this pattern is "a measurable psychological pattern" and what a different approach to rest can look like. Bonita talks about working from the bottom up using breathwork, movement, sound, touch and temperature, alongside creating safety so that stillness no longer equals danger.
Small, consistent practices done as a system can gradually retrain the vagal system and make genuine rest possible again. If you’ve ever wondered why collapsing on the sofa all weekend still leaves you shattered, this conversation might finally make your body’s reactions make sense. What if there’s nothing wrong with you, and your nervous system has simply been telling the truth all along?
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